Isaac smiling. He is such a happy boy-most of the time!Friday, April 15, 2011
Just a couple pics...
I tried to post these while Isaac was still in the hospital, but could never get it to post.
Isaac smiling. He is such a happy boy-most of the time!
Isaac smiling. He is such a happy boy-most of the time!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
This Is Hard
Just in case you were wondering.
I am home right now. I drove 4 1/2 hours today so I could see Leonora perform in her first dance recital. Aaron is still in SLC with Isaac. Tomorrow, I will be looking into housing in St George, doing a little food shopping, picking up some Tupperware flyers, and driving back to Salt Lake. I am tired. I feel like I should be saying good night to Isaac. I miss having my husband with me. I was unexpectedly overwhelmed by all the people and noise at the dance recital. I was wondering before it started if I would make it through the whole thing.
But I know that if I had stayed with Isaac and Aaron, I would feel terrible for missing Leonora's recital. I would be missing her and William. I would still be exhausted.
I am glad I got to see Leonora dance.
I feel so torn between here and there. I am really looking forward to having us all together again. I'm sure that will bring it's own challenges, but we should be together. Things are better when we are together.
I am home right now. I drove 4 1/2 hours today so I could see Leonora perform in her first dance recital. Aaron is still in SLC with Isaac. Tomorrow, I will be looking into housing in St George, doing a little food shopping, picking up some Tupperware flyers, and driving back to Salt Lake. I am tired. I feel like I should be saying good night to Isaac. I miss having my husband with me. I was unexpectedly overwhelmed by all the people and noise at the dance recital. I was wondering before it started if I would make it through the whole thing.
But I know that if I had stayed with Isaac and Aaron, I would feel terrible for missing Leonora's recital. I would be missing her and William. I would still be exhausted.
I am glad I got to see Leonora dance.
I feel so torn between here and there. I am really looking forward to having us all together again. I'm sure that will bring it's own challenges, but we should be together. Things are better when we are together.
Saturday, April 09, 2011
Counting Blessings
Right now, it's easy to feel overwhelmed. Isaac has been in the hospital for 5 weeks, Aaron found out this week that he has AVM's in his lungs and brain that could be fatal if they aren't taken care of. We are hundreds of miles from William and Leonora who often ask when we will be bringing Isaac home. We've had to learn everything the nurses are doing for Isaac so we can do it all at home. In spite of all these things, I have been equally overwhelmed by some of the amazing blessings we have seen. Here are a few:
1. Isaac is alive.
2. Isaac's AVM was in the spine, not the brain where it could have caused serious brain damage.
3. The increased awareness of the dangers of HHT among family members.
4. Being so close to an HHT clinic. There are only about a dozen in the US.
5. Being able to get Aaron's brain and lungs scanned right away.
6. Finding Aaron's AVM's so that they can be treated before something happens to him.
7. Having so many friends and family and strangers who have helped us, prayed for us, and asked us how things are. There are far too many to start naming all those who have helped us, and there are probably many that I don't even know of.
8. How Isaac has progressed. Really, he's amazed everyone.
9. Having such dedicated doctors, nurses, surgeons, and other staff. We owe them for Isaac's life and so much of his progress.
10. My husband and children. They are all incredible. I'm so greatful to have Aaron with me and look forward to having our family back together again.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
Beyond Adversity
I wrote this on Thursday, March 31st, 2011.
When William was only 10 months old, he had his first surgery to correct his clubbed feet. shortly after that, he had a second surgery to remove a pin that was placed during the first surgery. In the short time that passed between his first and second surgeries, he seemed to have forgotten the first one completely. When he had his 3rd surgery three years later, it was as if the first two had never happened. He had no memories of those experiences, so he had nothing to fear from hospitals and doctors. However, when he had a 4th surgery about a year and a half after the third, he remembered everything from his previous procedure. We wanted to prepare him for what was going to happen, so we explained that he would need surgery to straighten his feet. With a hurt and frightened look on his face, he asked us, "Why?" We tried to explain to him that the surgery would help him walk and run without tripping. We told him it would help him he stronger and healthier. We told hm he would be able to run faster. But all he could think of was the pain and discomfort he had experienced with his previous surgery. He remembered having to wear casts for weeks afterward, and the weakness that came after not using his leg muscles. he knew this was going to be painful and difficult. We felt terrible sending him off to surgery We knew that this would be hard for him, but we also knew that he needed it and it would bring him more happiness than pain over the course of his life. In fact, suffering in the short term prevented him from suffering in the long term.
I have often thought since then of my own experiences in life. I believe we are all children of God, so I imagine He must feel similarly to the way I felt with William. If I could have fixed William"s problems without him suffering, I would have, but he had to go through that in order to have a better life. Sometimes we have to go through trials so that we can grow. Isaac has had several priesthood blessings while he has been in the hospital. One message has been consistant in all of them. God has a plan, He will not let Isaac suffer unnecessarily, and this will bring opportunities to his life that he would not have had any other way. While none of this makes the daily burden lighter, it does give me hope and makes enduring a little easier. I trust that there is purpose in this trial. I think that if I could have the same conversation with Heavenly Father that William had with us, He would tell us the same things that we told William: "This will make you stronger. If will make your life better."
This time is difficult. We are tired. There is very little that is certain about Isaac's future. Yet I do feel hopeful. There is a law in science that says that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I believe that there is a Heavenly truth that for every trial, there is an equal and opposite blessing. If this is true, as I believe it is, then Isaac and our whole family will have many blessings-some of which we are already seeing. Isaac has always been our ray of sunshine, and we believe he has a bright future just beyond these clouds of adversity.
When William was only 10 months old, he had his first surgery to correct his clubbed feet. shortly after that, he had a second surgery to remove a pin that was placed during the first surgery. In the short time that passed between his first and second surgeries, he seemed to have forgotten the first one completely. When he had his 3rd surgery three years later, it was as if the first two had never happened. He had no memories of those experiences, so he had nothing to fear from hospitals and doctors. However, when he had a 4th surgery about a year and a half after the third, he remembered everything from his previous procedure. We wanted to prepare him for what was going to happen, so we explained that he would need surgery to straighten his feet. With a hurt and frightened look on his face, he asked us, "Why?" We tried to explain to him that the surgery would help him walk and run without tripping. We told him it would help him he stronger and healthier. We told hm he would be able to run faster. But all he could think of was the pain and discomfort he had experienced with his previous surgery. He remembered having to wear casts for weeks afterward, and the weakness that came after not using his leg muscles. he knew this was going to be painful and difficult. We felt terrible sending him off to surgery We knew that this would be hard for him, but we also knew that he needed it and it would bring him more happiness than pain over the course of his life. In fact, suffering in the short term prevented him from suffering in the long term.
I have often thought since then of my own experiences in life. I believe we are all children of God, so I imagine He must feel similarly to the way I felt with William. If I could have fixed William"s problems without him suffering, I would have, but he had to go through that in order to have a better life. Sometimes we have to go through trials so that we can grow. Isaac has had several priesthood blessings while he has been in the hospital. One message has been consistant in all of them. God has a plan, He will not let Isaac suffer unnecessarily, and this will bring opportunities to his life that he would not have had any other way. While none of this makes the daily burden lighter, it does give me hope and makes enduring a little easier. I trust that there is purpose in this trial. I think that if I could have the same conversation with Heavenly Father that William had with us, He would tell us the same things that we told William: "This will make you stronger. If will make your life better."
This time is difficult. We are tired. There is very little that is certain about Isaac's future. Yet I do feel hopeful. There is a law in science that says that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I believe that there is a Heavenly truth that for every trial, there is an equal and opposite blessing. If this is true, as I believe it is, then Isaac and our whole family will have many blessings-some of which we are already seeing. Isaac has always been our ray of sunshine, and we believe he has a bright future just beyond these clouds of adversity.
Friday, March 18, 2011
My miracles
*This is the first chance I've had to blog this. I wrote it on the morning of his second surgery, before we knew he would be having surgery that night.
My children are all miracles.
William was born with stubborn clubbed feet (feet that are bent inward) and a stubborn introverted personality to match it. In spite of-or perhaps because of this personality and physical limitation that he was born with, he walks, runs, plays and fights like every normal 7 year old. What he lacks in physical ability, he more than makes up for in mental ability. he has always been a very bright boy who excells in math and science and has a thirst for knowledge in all areas. His miracle is his lack of disabilities.
Leonora was born perfect. She was like a beautiful porcelin doll. I cannot even begin to count the numorous peoplew who would pause in grocery stores and other public places to tell me how beautiful my baby was and how doll-like she was. Once, an older lady in Walmart nearly ran me over with one of those electric riding carts. She thought that Leonora was a doll in a carseat until she saw Leonora move. She was so shocked, she swerved and nearly collided with my cart! Shortly before her 2nd birthday, Leonora got pneumonia. Our whole family had had the flu, but as the rest of us got better, Leonora continued to worsen. She was admitted to the local hospital and then lifeflighted to Primary Children's Hospital. Her combined hospital stays were a full two weeks. We were so worried for her during that time, but she fought through it and was blessed to avoid more serious srgery to remove a part of her lung. Today she has an incredible amount of energy. Sometimes it drives us all a little crazy, but she is also full of love. Her healing from the pneumonia, her high energy, and her boundless love for all those she meets (and often those she hasn't) are Leonora's miracle.
When we found out that we were expecting another child just after Leonora's 1st birthday, we were exited and happy. I felt this baby's movements earlier and stronger than with either of my previous pregnancies. At about 20 weeks gestation, Aaron and I went to the hospital for the standard, mid-pregnancy ultrasound. This is when most people find out the gender of their baby. It's something moms anticipate and look forward to. For us, it was the first chance to see our baby. Because of our issues with William's feet, clubbed feet was at the top of my list of concerns. Our baby showed no signs of this deformity, but something more serious. She had a cyst at the back of her head, and her body was retaining fluids. Her kidneys had already ceased to function. At or first look at our baby, her time on this Earth was coming to a close. Her heart continued to beat for about 2 1/2 weeks before her sweet spirit returned to Heavenly Father. At about 23 weeks gestation, the doctor induced labor, and out sweet angel was born. Her birth should have been a great time of joy. Instead, it was our greatest loss. It is impossible to explain the sorrow of loosing a child to anyone who hasn't experienced it. I feel it is the greatest blow a parent can experience. Despite this heartache that consumed my life for many months, I feel that our angel, Renee, is a great miracle in my life. Having greater understanding of this sorrow has given me greater empathy when those I know have lost children. It has proven that I can get trhough more than I thought I ever could. It eventually gave me strength. Renee means "reborn." I believe that not only will she be reborn into a new and perfect body fit for such a strong spirit, but her presance in our family has been a sort of familial rebirth. She changed how we function as a family-for the better. I believe she was given that body because she was one of the few spirits who could suport it for that long. Her condition is a common cause for early miscarraiges, so reaching the point of having a fully formed body is unusual. She was a miracle.
About 6 months after we lost Renee, we found that we were expecting again. There were a lot of mixed emotions about that news, but in general, I was happy about it. We had extra tests that we hadn't had before just to give us reassurance that everything was okay. A few months after the 1st anneversary of Renee's birth and death, Isaac was born. He had perfect timing! He was born early (unlike my other children), and easily. I was overcome with joy and relief the first time I held him in my arms. I sobbed and cried and held him close. I didn't want to miss anything about him-the way he looked, sounded, smelled, and the weight of him in my arms. We picked the name Isaac because it means "laughter," and his middle name Nathan (after his two uncles) means "gift." He was our gift of laughter, sunshine, joy, and hope. He continued to live up to his name. I often say he was born smiling. i think I recorded is first responsive smile (one that was made in reaction to my own smile) at about 3 weeks old. As he grew, he developed normally. There was nothing exceptional about when he first walked or said his first word, yet his pleasant deminor, quick smile, beautiful eyes, and adorable dimples, made him exceptional in every way. As soon as he could walk, he became my biggest helper. He always wanted to sweep and vacuum with me and help me with dishes and laundry. With Isaac, house work could even be fun! He has been my biggest miracle. He gave me everything and more than I had lost when Renee's heart stopped beating. My other children have always brought me joy, but giving happiness seemed to be Isaac's life mission.
Today is Monday, March 7th, 2011. We have been in a hospital since I took Isaac to the ER on Friday night. He had lost movement in his right arm and leg. He had been getting over a cold, so it was originally thought that he may have pneumonia, menengitis, or both. When he was getting worse, the doctor decided he needed to be life flighted to Primary Children's Hospital. By the time we arrived at Children's, Isaac had not been moving much at all for sometime. His movement and responsiveness continued to decrease. It was decided that this was a nuerological issue and to find out for sure what was going on, he needed an MRI. They told me it would be about 2 hours for the MRI. About 3 1/2 hours later, he finally returned and I was given bad news. He had an AVM burst (a malformation of blood vessels that causes them to be weak). His AVM was located on his upper spinal cord which is why it caused his immobility. Emergency surgery was done to relieve swelling of his spinal cord. I was told that there was a significant possibility that he could bleed during surgery and that if there were bleeding, there may not be any way to stop it. As a mother who has lost one child, I understood too well what they were telling me. We were told he'd made it through with only minor complications when his heart rate and breathing slowed to extremely low levels. When we recieved the news that he made it through, there was a huge sigh of relief from me and my friends and family present in the room. I felt we had recieved another miracle. Now he lays in bed. He occasionally opens his eyes, turns his head and has had some small movements in his arms. These too are small miracles; however, there is no gaurentee that he will be able to do basic things on his own ever again. Even breathing on his own may never be a possibility. The good news is, he has no brain damage. It is only in his upper spine, which affects all the nerves that control his motor function.
Right now, we are praying for a bigger miracle than we have yet recieved. I deparately want my little boy to be whole again. I know that through God all things are possible if it is in accordance to his plan. I can only hope and pray that is plan and my desires match up. I also know that miracles take faith it takes. Please join your faith and prayers with ours for the recovery of Isaac. Pray for us and his doctors to know how to help him. Pray for us all to have the strength to get trhough this and to accept the outcome-whatever it is. Pray for us to see and accept God's plan for our family. Every prayer and good thought sent our way helps. We are so appreciative of all the love, support, and prayers we have received. They keep us going. Please keep sending them. Thank you so much.
*Since I wrote this, there has been one more surgery to remove the AVM. We have been very blessed to have amazing doctors, nurses, and others to take care of Isaac. He has been more alert. Some days are better than others, but he has smiled and moved his arms more. Today he will have a Tracheotomy to help him breath. He has been on a ventilator with a tube in his mouth, and we are anxious and excited to have this procedure done. hopefully he will be able to start intensive rehabilitation in a few days.
My children are all miracles.
William was born with stubborn clubbed feet (feet that are bent inward) and a stubborn introverted personality to match it. In spite of-or perhaps because of this personality and physical limitation that he was born with, he walks, runs, plays and fights like every normal 7 year old. What he lacks in physical ability, he more than makes up for in mental ability. he has always been a very bright boy who excells in math and science and has a thirst for knowledge in all areas. His miracle is his lack of disabilities.
Leonora was born perfect. She was like a beautiful porcelin doll. I cannot even begin to count the numorous peoplew who would pause in grocery stores and other public places to tell me how beautiful my baby was and how doll-like she was. Once, an older lady in Walmart nearly ran me over with one of those electric riding carts. She thought that Leonora was a doll in a carseat until she saw Leonora move. She was so shocked, she swerved and nearly collided with my cart! Shortly before her 2nd birthday, Leonora got pneumonia. Our whole family had had the flu, but as the rest of us got better, Leonora continued to worsen. She was admitted to the local hospital and then lifeflighted to Primary Children's Hospital. Her combined hospital stays were a full two weeks. We were so worried for her during that time, but she fought through it and was blessed to avoid more serious srgery to remove a part of her lung. Today she has an incredible amount of energy. Sometimes it drives us all a little crazy, but she is also full of love. Her healing from the pneumonia, her high energy, and her boundless love for all those she meets (and often those she hasn't) are Leonora's miracle.
When we found out that we were expecting another child just after Leonora's 1st birthday, we were exited and happy. I felt this baby's movements earlier and stronger than with either of my previous pregnancies. At about 20 weeks gestation, Aaron and I went to the hospital for the standard, mid-pregnancy ultrasound. This is when most people find out the gender of their baby. It's something moms anticipate and look forward to. For us, it was the first chance to see our baby. Because of our issues with William's feet, clubbed feet was at the top of my list of concerns. Our baby showed no signs of this deformity, but something more serious. She had a cyst at the back of her head, and her body was retaining fluids. Her kidneys had already ceased to function. At or first look at our baby, her time on this Earth was coming to a close. Her heart continued to beat for about 2 1/2 weeks before her sweet spirit returned to Heavenly Father. At about 23 weeks gestation, the doctor induced labor, and out sweet angel was born. Her birth should have been a great time of joy. Instead, it was our greatest loss. It is impossible to explain the sorrow of loosing a child to anyone who hasn't experienced it. I feel it is the greatest blow a parent can experience. Despite this heartache that consumed my life for many months, I feel that our angel, Renee, is a great miracle in my life. Having greater understanding of this sorrow has given me greater empathy when those I know have lost children. It has proven that I can get trhough more than I thought I ever could. It eventually gave me strength. Renee means "reborn." I believe that not only will she be reborn into a new and perfect body fit for such a strong spirit, but her presance in our family has been a sort of familial rebirth. She changed how we function as a family-for the better. I believe she was given that body because she was one of the few spirits who could suport it for that long. Her condition is a common cause for early miscarraiges, so reaching the point of having a fully formed body is unusual. She was a miracle.
About 6 months after we lost Renee, we found that we were expecting again. There were a lot of mixed emotions about that news, but in general, I was happy about it. We had extra tests that we hadn't had before just to give us reassurance that everything was okay. A few months after the 1st anneversary of Renee's birth and death, Isaac was born. He had perfect timing! He was born early (unlike my other children), and easily. I was overcome with joy and relief the first time I held him in my arms. I sobbed and cried and held him close. I didn't want to miss anything about him-the way he looked, sounded, smelled, and the weight of him in my arms. We picked the name Isaac because it means "laughter," and his middle name Nathan (after his two uncles) means "gift." He was our gift of laughter, sunshine, joy, and hope. He continued to live up to his name. I often say he was born smiling. i think I recorded is first responsive smile (one that was made in reaction to my own smile) at about 3 weeks old. As he grew, he developed normally. There was nothing exceptional about when he first walked or said his first word, yet his pleasant deminor, quick smile, beautiful eyes, and adorable dimples, made him exceptional in every way. As soon as he could walk, he became my biggest helper. He always wanted to sweep and vacuum with me and help me with dishes and laundry. With Isaac, house work could even be fun! He has been my biggest miracle. He gave me everything and more than I had lost when Renee's heart stopped beating. My other children have always brought me joy, but giving happiness seemed to be Isaac's life mission.
Today is Monday, March 7th, 2011. We have been in a hospital since I took Isaac to the ER on Friday night. He had lost movement in his right arm and leg. He had been getting over a cold, so it was originally thought that he may have pneumonia, menengitis, or both. When he was getting worse, the doctor decided he needed to be life flighted to Primary Children's Hospital. By the time we arrived at Children's, Isaac had not been moving much at all for sometime. His movement and responsiveness continued to decrease. It was decided that this was a nuerological issue and to find out for sure what was going on, he needed an MRI. They told me it would be about 2 hours for the MRI. About 3 1/2 hours later, he finally returned and I was given bad news. He had an AVM burst (a malformation of blood vessels that causes them to be weak). His AVM was located on his upper spinal cord which is why it caused his immobility. Emergency surgery was done to relieve swelling of his spinal cord. I was told that there was a significant possibility that he could bleed during surgery and that if there were bleeding, there may not be any way to stop it. As a mother who has lost one child, I understood too well what they were telling me. We were told he'd made it through with only minor complications when his heart rate and breathing slowed to extremely low levels. When we recieved the news that he made it through, there was a huge sigh of relief from me and my friends and family present in the room. I felt we had recieved another miracle. Now he lays in bed. He occasionally opens his eyes, turns his head and has had some small movements in his arms. These too are small miracles; however, there is no gaurentee that he will be able to do basic things on his own ever again. Even breathing on his own may never be a possibility. The good news is, he has no brain damage. It is only in his upper spine, which affects all the nerves that control his motor function.
Right now, we are praying for a bigger miracle than we have yet recieved. I deparately want my little boy to be whole again. I know that through God all things are possible if it is in accordance to his plan. I can only hope and pray that is plan and my desires match up. I also know that miracles take faith it takes. Please join your faith and prayers with ours for the recovery of Isaac. Pray for us and his doctors to know how to help him. Pray for us all to have the strength to get trhough this and to accept the outcome-whatever it is. Pray for us to see and accept God's plan for our family. Every prayer and good thought sent our way helps. We are so appreciative of all the love, support, and prayers we have received. They keep us going. Please keep sending them. Thank you so much.
*Since I wrote this, there has been one more surgery to remove the AVM. We have been very blessed to have amazing doctors, nurses, and others to take care of Isaac. He has been more alert. Some days are better than others, but he has smiled and moved his arms more. Today he will have a Tracheotomy to help him breath. He has been on a ventilator with a tube in his mouth, and we are anxious and excited to have this procedure done. hopefully he will be able to start intensive rehabilitation in a few days.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
What happened this week...
Monday: Leonora cut her hair. No she did not get a haircut, she cut her own hair. She told me later that it was in her way.
Tuesday: Leonora had ballet and asked for a pony on the way home. I find this hilarious.
Wednesday: I did laundry. Exciting, huh?
Thursday: Went tux shopping for Aaron (for performances) and camera shopping for me (for my birthday!)
Friday: I pruned some of the overgrown bushes around my kitchen window. I couldn't fit all the trimmings in the garbage can, but you can hardly tell I did anything from outside. It does let a little more light in though, which was my goal!
Saturday: I turned 30! Wow... scary... Aaron and I went out to celebrate! We saw Tron (for free!) and stopped at Red Robin on the way home. We split a burger and an appetizer, and couldn't eat it all!
Sunday: We ate my marvelous birthday cake that my mom bought from the Schwan's man! I highly recommend their chocolate cake! Mmmmmm!
Tuesday: Leonora had ballet and asked for a pony on the way home. I find this hilarious.
Wednesday: I did laundry. Exciting, huh?
Thursday: Went tux shopping for Aaron (for performances) and camera shopping for me (for my birthday!)
Friday: I pruned some of the overgrown bushes around my kitchen window. I couldn't fit all the trimmings in the garbage can, but you can hardly tell I did anything from outside. It does let a little more light in though, which was my goal!
Saturday: I turned 30! Wow... scary... Aaron and I went out to celebrate! We saw Tron (for free!) and stopped at Red Robin on the way home. We split a burger and an appetizer, and couldn't eat it all!
Sunday: We ate my marvelous birthday cake that my mom bought from the Schwan's man! I highly recommend their chocolate cake! Mmmmmm!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Someday I'll have a table and be able to eat at it too
I have been living in my parent's basement since the end of May 2010. Can I just say, this is not the most comfortable nor pleasant of living arrangements? Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for a place to live and I know it's not the best of worlds for my parents or siblings either. And we all try to deal with the situation.
Today, I tried once more to move things around in the room we call the Rumpus Room. It is the room where the kids go to make a rumpus I guess. It is also supposed to be my kitchen, dining and living room. Now this room is not a small room, but it is also not really large enough to fulfill all of those requirements. And it also has become a storage area for some things that have been kicked out of bedrooms and what not. What I'm getting at is, it's crowded. So occasionally I spend my day moving things around in attempt to make something work. Today was one of those days. I'm still trying to decide if my attempt did much to improve things. I think mostly what I did was make more room to play for the kids. Not my primary objective, but I suppose it's something. Maybe next time, I'll be able to use the dining table... maybe.
Today, I tried once more to move things around in the room we call the Rumpus Room. It is the room where the kids go to make a rumpus I guess. It is also supposed to be my kitchen, dining and living room. Now this room is not a small room, but it is also not really large enough to fulfill all of those requirements. And it also has become a storage area for some things that have been kicked out of bedrooms and what not. What I'm getting at is, it's crowded. So occasionally I spend my day moving things around in attempt to make something work. Today was one of those days. I'm still trying to decide if my attempt did much to improve things. I think mostly what I did was make more room to play for the kids. Not my primary objective, but I suppose it's something. Maybe next time, I'll be able to use the dining table... maybe.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
I'm trying to blog more often again. I know, I'm horribly inconsistent.
We are going out of town for a long weekend and all Leonora wants to do or talk about is packing. She wants to pack, pack, pack! while it's great to have someone around who is excited to help out, her help is not always very helpful. Isaac also loves to help and is even less helpful! Agh! Well, at least they are cute helpers! Leonora likes to pack her own clothes. She seems to thing she needs all of them. I've been trying to explain that where we are going will be cooler weather and she won't need all her summery clothes. We will also only be gone for 4 days, so we don't really need to bring her entire wardrobe! Haha! Isaac doesn't seem to care what he packs. He throws in just about anything: random socks, shirts, and Leonora's clothes that I just took out! He's such a happy little helper though! Hopefully he won't suddenly decide to start taking out everything that I'm trying to put in!
We are going out of town for a long weekend and all Leonora wants to do or talk about is packing. She wants to pack, pack, pack! while it's great to have someone around who is excited to help out, her help is not always very helpful. Isaac also loves to help and is even less helpful! Agh! Well, at least they are cute helpers! Leonora likes to pack her own clothes. She seems to thing she needs all of them. I've been trying to explain that where we are going will be cooler weather and she won't need all her summery clothes. We will also only be gone for 4 days, so we don't really need to bring her entire wardrobe! Haha! Isaac doesn't seem to care what he packs. He throws in just about anything: random socks, shirts, and Leonora's clothes that I just took out! He's such a happy little helper though! Hopefully he won't suddenly decide to start taking out everything that I'm trying to put in!
Friday, October 08, 2010
Saturday in the park
A few weekends back, we decided to get out of the house for some fun family time. I had also been wanting to get a new picture of the kids and decided to kill two birds with one stone (as they say) and took my camera along. I knew that the only chance at getting them all to sit still and look at the camera at the same time was to take pictures first thing...
And that even then, the odds were against me...
But we persevered until we got a couple good shots!
Once that was taken care of, we set the kids loose to play!
And that even then, the odds were against me...
But we persevered until we got a couple good shots!
Once that was taken care of, we set the kids loose to play!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Fun Run!
I have been wishing I had pictures for this post. I should get into the habit of taking my camera with me.
I took the kids to our primary's fun run on Saturday. I wasn't really sure how they would do-especially William, who tends to be slow and often has difficulty running very far. But they were excited about it anyway. Leonora ran first with the other 3 and 4 year-olds. She was not the fastest kid out there, but she made the whole 1/4 mile and only stopped once when her friend fell. She's such a sweetheart-when she wants to be! She had to make sure that Courtney was okay, and then she finished her run. While William's group ran their 1/2 mile, Leonora got her drink and donut. William quickly fell behind the other kids. I wondered if he was going to make it all the way around, but he did great! One of the older kids ran along with him and kept him going. He slowed down toward the end, and was one of the last to finish, but he did it! I was proud of him. Then while I was helping him get his refreshments, Leonora disappeared. I started looking around for her, and realized she had taken off with the third and oldest group of kids. These kids were running a full mile. Of course she didn't keep up with them, but I watched my not-quite-four year old out there trotting along! She ran a full loop around the park-about 1/3 mile-paused briefly to give me the medal that she got for completing her race, and was off again! I cut across the loop and told her that the race was over now and that she could go play on the playground for a little bit. She cracks me up! This child has so much energy! I just don't know what to do with her! There were no special awards besides the medal that each kid got for completing the run, but if there had been, I think William would have gotten the "Slow but steady" award, and Leonora would have to get "The Energizer Bunny" award! heehee!
I took the kids to our primary's fun run on Saturday. I wasn't really sure how they would do-especially William, who tends to be slow and often has difficulty running very far. But they were excited about it anyway. Leonora ran first with the other 3 and 4 year-olds. She was not the fastest kid out there, but she made the whole 1/4 mile and only stopped once when her friend fell. She's such a sweetheart-when she wants to be! She had to make sure that Courtney was okay, and then she finished her run. While William's group ran their 1/2 mile, Leonora got her drink and donut. William quickly fell behind the other kids. I wondered if he was going to make it all the way around, but he did great! One of the older kids ran along with him and kept him going. He slowed down toward the end, and was one of the last to finish, but he did it! I was proud of him. Then while I was helping him get his refreshments, Leonora disappeared. I started looking around for her, and realized she had taken off with the third and oldest group of kids. These kids were running a full mile. Of course she didn't keep up with them, but I watched my not-quite-four year old out there trotting along! She ran a full loop around the park-about 1/3 mile-paused briefly to give me the medal that she got for completing her race, and was off again! I cut across the loop and told her that the race was over now and that she could go play on the playground for a little bit. She cracks me up! This child has so much energy! I just don't know what to do with her! There were no special awards besides the medal that each kid got for completing the run, but if there had been, I think William would have gotten the "Slow but steady" award, and Leonora would have to get "The Energizer Bunny" award! heehee!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Anathollo
This is my moving music. The stuff I put on when I do the dishes or clean up the living room. I think it's fun, and sort of whimsical. In a world where most pop and rock songs are so bass driven and music has become extremely predictable and formulaic, I find this group particularly refreshing. Here are a couple of clips. Enjoy!
I love the clips of their live performances! I love how "real" they are. Not a lot of special effects or costumes, just a bunch of musicians sharing their talents and passions.
I love the clips of their live performances! I love how "real" they are. Not a lot of special effects or costumes, just a bunch of musicians sharing their talents and passions.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Teacher appreciation
Next week is teacher appreciation week for kindergarten. This week, they sent home bags for the kids. Each bag had a letter of the alphabet, and the kids were supposed to put in a gift starting with that letter. William got two bags. One was the letter "D" and one was the letter "W." We thought about what to send. A dog? a dinosaur? a donut? finally we settled on daisies. The bags won't be opened until sometime next week, so we opted for the non-wilting type-aka "fake." :) Then we had to come up with a "W" gift. All week, all I could think of was water. I know, not very creative of me. We joked that William starts with "W" and maybe we could put him in the bag! He didn't think that was a good idea though. Finally, we were supposed to turn in the bags today, and neither of us had come up with any good ideas. This morning, we were discussing it again. I suggested writing things (paper, pencils, etc.) or something white, but William wasn't excited about those. Then I had an idea! I asked William if he would like to put in a picture of him holding a thank you note for his teacher. He got excited about that! So after he was ready for school, we took a quick picture, printed it out (with the last of our ink! agh!) and sent him off to school! Hopefully his teacher will like it.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Thanks Saskia
Wow, where has April gone? This month has really gotten away from me.
My cousin Saskia gave me the Beautiful Blogger award... I think she wants me to post more! hahaha! Thanks Saskia!
As part of the award, I'm supposed to post 7 things about me. I've been thinking about this, and haven't really come up with much, so I'm winging it. Here goes:
1. I love to talk. But I was always a quiet kid. I know it seems contradictory. I enjoy intimate conversation-meaning, one-on-one or small groups. In large groups I tend to sit back and observe.
2. I would call myself intuitive. I don't really know how to elaborate on this one...
3. I love to crochet. I've thought about trying to sell crocheted things, but mostly I like to make things as gifts. I don't do many large projects. I've always found it more likely to get done if it can be done in a day or two. Or even better-an hour or two!
4. I love being a mom. Sometimes I feel like a complete failure at it, but I wouldn't trade motherhood for any other job or title.
5. I love gardening. Growing things give off such a positive energy. Plants make me happy. I would say that I need more plants, but I'm barely keeping the two alive that I have! William is fascinated by seeds and plants. I'd love to teach my kids about growing a garden. Maybe by the time Isaac is old enough to appreciate it, I'll have a place that I can grow a garden with my kids.
6. I'm a huge fan of natural birth. I know it's not always possible, but it makes me sad when women don't believe in themselves and the power of their own bodies enough to even give it a try. I also believe in breastfeeding. I am happy to say that Isaac is still nursing at 15 months and we plan to continue for as long as he needs/wants it. Not that I'm into the extreme extended nursing, but I'm in no hurry to ween him either.
7. Let's see... one last thing... well... hmmm... I told you I was winging this right? So, here's a random tidbit. My jaw pops and cracks. Yeah, exciting, huh? :D
So, I'm supposed to pass this along... I know some of you have already gotten it. Just be prepared, you might be getting it again!
My cousin Saskia gave me the Beautiful Blogger award... I think she wants me to post more! hahaha! Thanks Saskia!
As part of the award, I'm supposed to post 7 things about me. I've been thinking about this, and haven't really come up with much, so I'm winging it. Here goes:
1. I love to talk. But I was always a quiet kid. I know it seems contradictory. I enjoy intimate conversation-meaning, one-on-one or small groups. In large groups I tend to sit back and observe.
2. I would call myself intuitive. I don't really know how to elaborate on this one...
3. I love to crochet. I've thought about trying to sell crocheted things, but mostly I like to make things as gifts. I don't do many large projects. I've always found it more likely to get done if it can be done in a day or two. Or even better-an hour or two!
4. I love being a mom. Sometimes I feel like a complete failure at it, but I wouldn't trade motherhood for any other job or title.
5. I love gardening. Growing things give off such a positive energy. Plants make me happy. I would say that I need more plants, but I'm barely keeping the two alive that I have! William is fascinated by seeds and plants. I'd love to teach my kids about growing a garden. Maybe by the time Isaac is old enough to appreciate it, I'll have a place that I can grow a garden with my kids.
6. I'm a huge fan of natural birth. I know it's not always possible, but it makes me sad when women don't believe in themselves and the power of their own bodies enough to even give it a try. I also believe in breastfeeding. I am happy to say that Isaac is still nursing at 15 months and we plan to continue for as long as he needs/wants it. Not that I'm into the extreme extended nursing, but I'm in no hurry to ween him either.
7. Let's see... one last thing... well... hmmm... I told you I was winging this right? So, here's a random tidbit. My jaw pops and cracks. Yeah, exciting, huh? :D
So, I'm supposed to pass this along... I know some of you have already gotten it. Just be prepared, you might be getting it again!
Friday, March 19, 2010
Link to a giveaway!
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Ponyo
So this week is spring break for William and Aaron. We don't have the money to spend on a vacation or even a day trip, so I was trying to think of fun "special" things to do with the kids. Since it has been raining for the entire break thus far, we have to stick to indoor activities. I thought, if we had the money, we would probably go somewhere and stay overnight. So I thought a "sleepover" in the living room would be fun. We pulled out pillows and blankets for the kids and popped popcorn and sat back with them to watch the new animated film "Ponyo."
Ponyo is a variation of the story of the Little Mermaid. She is a magical little fish/girl who is found by a human boy. The two of them form a fast friendship. They are separated when Ponyo's father comes to take her back to the ocean. Ponyo is such a funny little creature! She uses her magic to change into a little girl and find her friend. She is so silly and cute! If Leonora met Ponyo, I think they would be best friends. We were all giggling outloud at her excitement. The director, Hayao Miyazaki has a special gift for portraying children in true form. It was certainly a fun movie for Aaron and I and the kids. I was also pleasantly surprised that there is a reference to breastfeeding when Ponyo wants to feed soup to a baby. The mother says the baby is too young, but she will eat the soup and it will help her make milk for the baby. It's so rare to see breastfeeding portrayed in such an honest and simple way. It seems that most movies and tv shows like to turn it into a joke. Ponyo then insists on giving the mother more food "for milk." In spite of all her silly antics, she does want to be helpful. The themes are about being in balance with nature and loving each other in all our forms. The characters are lovable and realistic. The animation (as with all Ghibli films) is truly art.
After watching Ponyo, the two older kids camped out in the living room. Aaron and I were a little bit of party poopers and decided to sleep in our own beds! I think it's safe to say that Ponyo will be a new favorite for our kids.
Here's a trailer that shows some of Ponyo's personality:
Ponyo is a variation of the story of the Little Mermaid. She is a magical little fish/girl who is found by a human boy. The two of them form a fast friendship. They are separated when Ponyo's father comes to take her back to the ocean. Ponyo is such a funny little creature! She uses her magic to change into a little girl and find her friend. She is so silly and cute! If Leonora met Ponyo, I think they would be best friends. We were all giggling outloud at her excitement. The director, Hayao Miyazaki has a special gift for portraying children in true form. It was certainly a fun movie for Aaron and I and the kids. I was also pleasantly surprised that there is a reference to breastfeeding when Ponyo wants to feed soup to a baby. The mother says the baby is too young, but she will eat the soup and it will help her make milk for the baby. It's so rare to see breastfeeding portrayed in such an honest and simple way. It seems that most movies and tv shows like to turn it into a joke. Ponyo then insists on giving the mother more food "for milk." In spite of all her silly antics, she does want to be helpful. The themes are about being in balance with nature and loving each other in all our forms. The characters are lovable and realistic. The animation (as with all Ghibli films) is truly art.
After watching Ponyo, the two older kids camped out in the living room. Aaron and I were a little bit of party poopers and decided to sleep in our own beds! I think it's safe to say that Ponyo will be a new favorite for our kids.
Here's a trailer that shows some of Ponyo's personality:
Monday, March 08, 2010
Adversity
Maybe it's because I'm getting older. Maybe I'm just more aware. Maybe there's more heartache in the world today. It seems like everyday I come across more stories of distress, more pain, more grief. I feel like I've experienced my share of all of this, but when I look around and see others struggling with their own hardships, I sometimes think things aren't so bad for me. Maybe it's just that I'm not grieving anymore. I struggle with life's ups and downs like anyone, of course. It's just that now I'm through it, now that the worst things I've had to face are past, my own life seems much brighter. Now I find that most of my tears and worries are for others. Other mothers who have lost babies, the young mother who is now a young widow, illnesses-sometimes terminal-that never care how old or young their victims are, accidents, divorce, and other tragedies seem to be everywhere. Adversity is inescapable. Yet, I am living proof that it doesn't go on forever.
It's not as though I woke up one day and went, "huh, I think I'm all better now! What a great experience that was!" It was all very gradual. One day, I smiled, and thought it felt strange. But it became less strange as the phenomenon repeated itself. Then one day I laughed and remembered what it was like to feel happy. As time went on, I was able to visit with friends and family without constantly thinking of how things could have been different. Then one day I was surprised to discover that I had recovered and that things looked much better, but the change had been so gradual, I could not pick out a moment or day that things were suddenly better.
It was still a little while before I could feel like my own suffering served some purpose. I had faith that it did, but I couldn't even begin to fathom what that purpose was. Even now, I can't claim to fully understand the reasons for my own trials, but I have begun to see some purpose in them. Probably one of the greatest things they have given me is understanding. Sometimes it seems a little crazy to be grateful for understanding someone's suffering, but without that understanding, it is difficult to show compassion. It happens all the time where some well meaning individual makes things worse while trying to comfort someone who is grieving. Understanding leads to compassion. Compassion leads to healing. Healing leads to understanding. There was nothing more comforting to me than to feel that someone understood my pain.
Another comfort to me is that I have always felt that life has a plan. There is nothing that comes our way that doesn't have a purpose. Sometimes the reason is clear, but most of the time, it isn't. So we muddle through as best as we can until we are able to emerge from the fog and see things clearly again. When I think about this, I often think of my son William's surgeries. William was born with a fairly severe case of bi-lateral clubbed feet-meaning both of his feet were bent and turned inward and upward. We tried casting his feet for the first 10 months of his life to see if they could be manually forced to point forward. The casting helped, but not enough. So then there was surgery. He was only 10 months old for his first surgery and 11 months for his second (a follow-up of the first). He quickly healed and forgot those procedures. Two years later, he had another surgery. We knew it would be harder on him than his first two were, but took some comfort in knowing that he at least didn't remember the first time, and would have fewer fears before the operation. He happily went off to the operating room. Of course, the return trip was not so happy. So when he had to have a fourth surgery last spring, we knew it would be tough on him. We explained to him what would happen, and quickly saw his fear in his expression. We tried to reassure him that everything would be okay, and tried to answer his repeated "why's." Ultimately, it was difficult for him to understand our explanations. He couldn't understand that although he could walk, this would help him walk better. And we knew he could run, but this would help him run faster and trip less. His focus was only on the extreme pain and inconvenience of the surgery and subsequent recovery. Of course, we wanted to help make the experience as comfortable as possible, but we knew he was going to have to suffer and that his suffering was necessary for him to be able to improve and grow.
I imagine that this is similar to how Heavenly Father feels as He witnesses our suffering. He knows that the pains we have will help us to grow and change and ultimately bless our lives. Of course He does not wish for us to suffer, but he knows it is necessary for us to progress and improve.
It's still hard for me to view certain trials as a blessing, but I do feel that the things I have learned and the ways I have grown have been blessings. I know that who I am today is directly related to those experiences. It is true-adversity does make us stronger. It makes us kinder. It gives us more perspective and sympathy for those around us. It shapes our lives. So, as I watch those I know struggling through the metamorphic change that adversity brings, I try to help them. I know that they will need help to get through their struggles because we all do! But I also know that ultimately, they will be better for the trouble they experience. They may not know today or tomorrow or even next year what the purpose of their struggles is, but there is a purpose. God may allow us to suffer, but I believe that He does not let us suffer needlessly.
It's not as though I woke up one day and went, "huh, I think I'm all better now! What a great experience that was!" It was all very gradual. One day, I smiled, and thought it felt strange. But it became less strange as the phenomenon repeated itself. Then one day I laughed and remembered what it was like to feel happy. As time went on, I was able to visit with friends and family without constantly thinking of how things could have been different. Then one day I was surprised to discover that I had recovered and that things looked much better, but the change had been so gradual, I could not pick out a moment or day that things were suddenly better.
It was still a little while before I could feel like my own suffering served some purpose. I had faith that it did, but I couldn't even begin to fathom what that purpose was. Even now, I can't claim to fully understand the reasons for my own trials, but I have begun to see some purpose in them. Probably one of the greatest things they have given me is understanding. Sometimes it seems a little crazy to be grateful for understanding someone's suffering, but without that understanding, it is difficult to show compassion. It happens all the time where some well meaning individual makes things worse while trying to comfort someone who is grieving. Understanding leads to compassion. Compassion leads to healing. Healing leads to understanding. There was nothing more comforting to me than to feel that someone understood my pain.
Another comfort to me is that I have always felt that life has a plan. There is nothing that comes our way that doesn't have a purpose. Sometimes the reason is clear, but most of the time, it isn't. So we muddle through as best as we can until we are able to emerge from the fog and see things clearly again. When I think about this, I often think of my son William's surgeries. William was born with a fairly severe case of bi-lateral clubbed feet-meaning both of his feet were bent and turned inward and upward. We tried casting his feet for the first 10 months of his life to see if they could be manually forced to point forward. The casting helped, but not enough. So then there was surgery. He was only 10 months old for his first surgery and 11 months for his second (a follow-up of the first). He quickly healed and forgot those procedures. Two years later, he had another surgery. We knew it would be harder on him than his first two were, but took some comfort in knowing that he at least didn't remember the first time, and would have fewer fears before the operation. He happily went off to the operating room. Of course, the return trip was not so happy. So when he had to have a fourth surgery last spring, we knew it would be tough on him. We explained to him what would happen, and quickly saw his fear in his expression. We tried to reassure him that everything would be okay, and tried to answer his repeated "why's." Ultimately, it was difficult for him to understand our explanations. He couldn't understand that although he could walk, this would help him walk better. And we knew he could run, but this would help him run faster and trip less. His focus was only on the extreme pain and inconvenience of the surgery and subsequent recovery. Of course, we wanted to help make the experience as comfortable as possible, but we knew he was going to have to suffer and that his suffering was necessary for him to be able to improve and grow.
I imagine that this is similar to how Heavenly Father feels as He witnesses our suffering. He knows that the pains we have will help us to grow and change and ultimately bless our lives. Of course He does not wish for us to suffer, but he knows it is necessary for us to progress and improve.
It's still hard for me to view certain trials as a blessing, but I do feel that the things I have learned and the ways I have grown have been blessings. I know that who I am today is directly related to those experiences. It is true-adversity does make us stronger. It makes us kinder. It gives us more perspective and sympathy for those around us. It shapes our lives. So, as I watch those I know struggling through the metamorphic change that adversity brings, I try to help them. I know that they will need help to get through their struggles because we all do! But I also know that ultimately, they will be better for the trouble they experience. They may not know today or tomorrow or even next year what the purpose of their struggles is, but there is a purpose. God may allow us to suffer, but I believe that He does not let us suffer needlessly.
Friday, March 05, 2010
Prelude from Bach's Cello Suite No. 1
I've been wanting to post something about this for a while. Something deep. Something profound. But after a great deal of thought, there seems to be nothing that I can say that this doesn't already say for itself. So I will just say this: I love this piece. I think it proves wrong anyone who thinks that Bach's music is not emotional. And I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU_QR_FTt3E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU_QR_FTt3E
Monday, February 08, 2010
Not Quite A Thousand Words
Saturday morning, I left my house to run some errands. As I left my front door, I paused a moment to breath in the uncommonly wet air-a residual of the previous night's downpour. The sun was breaking between the storm clouds and warmed my face as I walked to my car. It was a beautiful morning! As I drove over a small hill, a breath taking view caught my attention. In the foreground was a solid river of black rock. Behind the ancient lava flow, a red mountain rose from the desert floor. Large dark clouds hovered just above the red giant looking ready to release their heavy burden upon it. Some of the heavy clouds had fallen into small canyons forming misty pools that seemed to defy gravity. Along the steep face of the mountain, smaller bits of cloud clung like lost sheep perched on rocky outcroppings. What a glorious view! I regretted not having my camera with me, and thought to myself, that I should just carry it with me whenever I leave the house. I continued winding my way through the rocky landscape toward my destination, glancing up at the drifting clouds whenever I had a chance. I returned home as the sun was again being hidden by the gathering clouds. As I entered the house, my most urgent thought was to put my camera in my purse in hopes of never loosing the opportunity to capture such a scene again. Because a picture may be worth a thousand words, but my 250 or so words are just not quite the same as seeing it for yourself.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
A post about William
A while back, William asked for an apple as a snack. Usually, I quarter and core apples for the kids, but he requested the whole apple. I didn't expect him to eat the whole thing, but when he told me he was done, this was all that was left of his apple!
William finally got his casts off on Friday. He had gotten pretty good at walking around in them even though they were bent at the knee. It was fun watching him walk around, so I got a quick video of it before he got them off. Now he is re-learning how to walk without the casts, and making small improvements everyday.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Isaac's newest skill!
Isaac also recently had his first taste of "solid" food.
And his first hair cut! (Just a trim around the ears.)
Before:
After:
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