A Little Bit of Luxury

When we moved and I was unpacking our master bathroom, I started thinking that the room needed something more. It has white walls and neutral counters and floors. White sinks, white tub and toilet and big mirrors reflecting all the whiteness! And guess what color my towels were? Yep. White. Our last place had brown tile and beige walls, so the white towels looked fine. Really though, they weren't very white anymore anyway. So when I was walking around Costco, I happened to walk past some shelves full of fluffy towels and bathmats! Was it on my list? No, but it was on my wish list. And well, I haven't bought new towels in almost 3 years. And my bathmat was still at my moms. So I bought them. Two big bath towels, hand towels, and an extra long bathmat.

I probably didn't need any of them. I could have made do with the ones we had. However, every time I walk into my bathroom, it makes me smile. I often take my shoes off when I go in, just so my toes can stretch and wiggle freely in the soft bathmat. I find the cool sage color relaxing and the soft textures soothing. When so much of my life is chaotic, hurried, and stressed, it is nice to have a room that I feel like I can have a little bit of luxury. Something that is just for me.

Even if it is the bathroom!

A Day in This Life

Here's a view of what a typical day might look like for us. Of course this varies. Some days I don't do anything that I don't really have to do... wait, actually, that's most days! I guess there are days that I don't do the things that really need getting done, but most days, I do try! Anyway, here it is! A usual day in the Lund household.

7am The nurse wakes me up at the end of her shift. We spend 5-10 minutes talking about how the night went and anything new that will need to be changed. Then she leaves. Usually, Isaac is awake and begins asking when he can wake up dad. Our current arrangement is that I can go to bed at 10pm (an hour before the nurse arrives) and Aaron gets to sleep for an hour after she leaves.

7:30 ish. After talking to Isaac, sometimes reading him a story, sometimes suctioning him or changing his diaper, I make some attempt at exercise. Sometimes this works, other times, I don't have the energy, and sit there watching Kung-Fu Panda or Blues Clues with Isaac instead.

7:45 I get Isaac's med's ready. There are 5 different medications that I have to give him. They are scheduled for 8:00, but I usually try to give them a little early so that I have them done before we wake up Aaron.

8:00 Usually, Isaac wants to be involved in the waking up of Dad, so I unhook him from his monitor, ventilator, suction, and feeds. Hopefully I remember to turn of the humidifier that goes with his vent, otherwise, it runs all day. I can then take him to our bed where he "yells" in his not very loud voice, "Wake up, Dad!" You really have to hear it. He has to use a lot of air to talk, so each syllable comes out on a different breath. It's more like, "Wake... Up... Dad!"

8:15 For the next hour or so, there's not much that needs to be done, but the kids usually start getting up and asking for food and whining when I tell them they have to get dressed. Aaron gets up and starts getting ready. I usually get dressed and have some breakfast.

9:30 This is when Isaac is supposed to get his bowel program. It actually happens on time about half the time. It takes about 40 minutes from start to finish. I doubt many of you really want to know what this entails, but we will just say it is his own special potty training program.

10:00 Isaac is supposed to get his morning feed now, but if other things haven't been on schedule, it generally gets pushed later.

11:00 If Isaac has therapy, this is when we do it. If not, we all sigh a great sigh, because it means we don't have anything else to worry about for now. Except for housework. So now is when I might try to vaccuum, get the kids to clean their rooms, sweep and mop, or clean a toilet or something. It can't be too intensive, because soon the kids will be asking for lunch and I will be getting hungry myself. On therapy days, we don't get much done.

12:00-2:00 Lunch can happen anytime in this time frame. It's usually whenever the kids say, "I'm starving!!!!"

Things in the afternoon get less scheduled. Isaac gets a feed at 2:00 (unless the morning one was late or he actually ate and drank.) After the feed, he gets his afternoon med's. The kids only have permission to play the Wii or other computer type games between lunch and dinner, so they are usually glued to a screen and I take a break or try to get more housework done.

Throughout the day, Isaac of course needs his trach suctioned, diapers changed and his position changed. We try to get him out of bed and into his wheel chair or some other seating arrangement. Sometimes I can read him a book, but usually I am busy or he is napping.

Aaron usually comes home at about 6:30. If I am really on top of things, I'll try to have something ready for dinner when he gets home. Usually though, I'm trying to figure out something quick and easy when he walks in the door. We are lucky if we sit down to eat by 7:00. Then it's getting the kids ready for bed. Lately, they have finally gotten to bed about 9:30, but 10:00 hasn't been uncommon. There was even one night last week that Leonora came wandering out of her room after the nurse got here at 11:00. Once they are in bed, I usually clean up the kitchen, the table, and the living room. I usually get the dishes going and put away whatever has been left out. Depending on how late the kids go to bed and how much cleaning up there is to do, Aaron and I might have time to watch something before the nurse gets here. Sometimes I stay up and we do that, and sometimes I go to bed while Aaron waits up for the nurse. If we are lucky, there are no interruptions during the night and at 7:00 the next morning, it starts again.

I should note that starting this coming Friday, Isaac's nurse will be coming at 10:00! A whole hour earlier! That should make getting sleep a little easier. :)

Blessings part 1: It's the little things

I am grateful for our new apartment. It allows us to be close to appointments and Aaron's school. It's the right size, the right price (although, I wouldn't mind if it were less!), and we can get Isaac in and out and around inside easily. Even if I do run over kid's shoes and toys that were abandoned in the hallway. I also love that there is a back yard with grass and trees and that the kids have made friends with the two girls who live upstairs. I am also grateful for an attentive relief society president and friendly ward members.

One issue, that will need to be remedied soon, is the sun that wakes me up before the nurse almost every morning! At 6:30 am, glorious rays of sunlight penetrate our mini blinds and my eyelids. I find it nearly impossible to sleep when my room is illuminated so brightly. I've never seen curtains as such a necessity before!

However, today, I am feeling blessed. There are clouds in the sky. I was able to sleep through the sunrise and was even a little startled by the nurse's knock at 7:00. The dimness of my room was a little miracle, and one that I felt immediate gratitude for. Perhaps it was all coincidence, but I like to think that Someone knew I would need those extra minutes of sleep this morning and set things in motion. And I am very grateful for that small blessing.

Losses part 1: A Little Loss

When I first joined Facebook, I bookmarked the site without paying much attention to which page I was bookmarking. It happens to be linked to a photo album of my kids. Everytime I click the link on my toolbar, it takes me to a page of pictures from Isaac's first several months of life. One picture in particular is of William, Leonora, and Isaac on the day that Isaac was blessed.


In this picture, Isaac is wearing one of the few things I have sewn on my own without any help. I had spent time picking out the fabric and pattern, carefully cutting the pieces, and rushed to finish it in time for his blessing. I had pressed it that morning and dressed him in it for his special day. It was the only time I actually made something for any of our children's blessings, and I was so happy with the outcome!


When he was blessed, we were in the process of moving from one apartment to another. In the week or so that followed, we spent several evenings at the old apartment getting things packed up and moved over to the new apartment. On one such evening, I had been gathering up towels, blankets and other random things that hadn't been moved over yet. We were short on boxes, and since most of what I was packing was soft, I packed it into garbage bags. I packed a bunch of Isaac's receiving blankets and his blessing outfit into one of these bags. While I had been packing, Aaron was taking a load of previously packed things to the new place. We talked on the phone, and he told me he would be on his way back soon. I finished up what I was doing and went downstairs to a neighbor's apartment where she had been watching the kids while we packed. I got into a conversation with her and was still talking when Aaron got back.

We took the kids straight to the car. Most of our conversation revolved around how tired we were and how we didn't really enjoy moving. When we got home, I thought briefly about asking Aaron if we should unload the car where I assumed he had put the bags that I had packed earlier, but we were tired, and I thought, it can wait until morning.

Can you all see what is coming here? The next morning, I went back to the old apartment. There were no bags in the apartment, no bags in the car. I called Aaron and he confirmed that he had thought the bags were trash and had thrown them away the night before. We hurried down to the dumpster, but found it completely empty. I was horrified. I called Aaron, and he felt terrible. I had lost the best of my towels, blankets for Isaac, William's Superman towel, and other random articles of clothing, but most of all, my new baby's blessing clothes that I had lovingly worked to complete. I sobbed out loud. I couldn't believe that it was gone, and what was worse was it had only spent about 12 hours in the garbage. Had I been there a couple hours earlier, I'm certain I could have rescued it.

I probably spent an hour mourning the loss of a small jacket and pair of pants. I'm sure that the stress of moving, lack of sleep that comes with having a newborn, and the hormones that were not back to normal levels, didn't help my emotional state, but I am still a little sad that I don't have that keepsake from a special time in my little boy's life.


A loss is a difficult thing to measure. It all depends on our own experiences and perspective on life. Is this a monumental loss? No. I think that this could be considered a relatively small loss. My life has and will continue in a relatively unchanged manner. But it was important to me. It's something that I will always remember and miss.