Every time I have a friend who has some crazy sounding thing happen to their child, I mentally relive the hours I spent sitting in Instacare and hospital rooms the night before Isaac was life flighted to Primary Children's Medical Center. I have this new hyper vigilance for anything out of the ordinary.
I sometimes mentally go through the hours that led up to our emergency room visit and try to imagine what might be different now if I had realized something serious was going on sooner. Could we have gotten him help sooner? I honestly don't know. I don't know if anyone could know. When he had his first surgery, they couldn't do much because he was still bleeding on his spinal cord. They couldn't even see what was going on in there. This leads me to think that it probably wouldn't have made a difference. But I can't really know that, and I can't help but wonder.
I think of my two year old lying in a bed struggling so hard to breath that his soft round tummy lurched with the effort of pushing air in and out of his body. I remember the nurse waking me up after only two or three hours of sleep because they needed to life flight him. He was still conscious. Every few breaths, he would let out a little call for me. "Mom, " lurch, lurch, lurch, "mom," lurch, lurch, lurch... But there was nothing that I could do for him. I listened to the nurses and another doctor, whose name I don't remember, debating whether or not to "bag" him. I had no idea what that meant, but in my world then, bagging something meant putting it in a bag. I tried to picture what kind of bag they could put him in that would make anything better. They talked about trying to intubate him as well. Another term I didn't understand, but would very soon, because the life flight nurses would do it when they got there. And why were they taking so long? I had been woken up at 4 and been told they had called the life flight plane. The flight is only about an hour, so I didn't know what could be taking so long. When they arrived at 8:00, it didn't really occur to me to ask what had taken them so long to get there. They were too busy trying to save my child's life. One does not ask those things when they are busy signing papers to allow them to insert a tube in their child's throat (intubate him) so that he could breath with the aid of a machine. I had no idea then what we were all in for. No one knew what was wrong or how to fix it.
After the flight and the checking in, I talked to a Neurologist who would take Isaac in for the first MRI of his spine. It would take a couple hours. She seemed to have an idea of what it might be and although there was some urgency in getting an actual diagnosis, it sounded like something we would just have to wait out. Something his body would deal with on its own. He would probably have to be in the hospital for a few weeks, but he would gradually get back to normal.
Four hours later, I was awakened from a not so deep sleep and told he was being moved to a private room. Once I got to the new room, I was asked to tell them again when I had first noticed something was wrong and what had happened. As I recalled the details to them, they told me that it was not what they had previously thought. The doctor told me that there was something on his spine. The first thing I thought of was a tumor, but no, that was not what we were looking at. I had a brief moment of relief before they told me that it looked like a blood vessel had burst on his spinal cord. It was something called an AVM. I had no idea what that meant. I remembered the HHT that ran in my husband's family and caused bloody noses, and, I had heard, could cause bleeds in other areas like the brain and lungs. I tried to ask the Neurosurgeon if that could be what caused it, but I couldn't remember the letters. Was it THT? I couldn't remember, and the doctors didn't have the slightest idea what I was trying to express. Oh, well, it's probably not that anyway, but we need to get him into surgery right away. We need to relieve the pressure on his spinal cord by cutting into the bone. I had heard of things like that before.... Somewhere. I was approached twice, by two different surgeons, to tell me that if he bled during the surgery, there was a good chance they would not be able to stop the bleeding. Did I understand what that meant? Yes. Yes, I thought, that means I could be saying goodbye to my baby. But what choice did I have? He had not opened his eyes since the life flight nurses sedated him to intubate him. He couldn't get better on his own. The surgery that could kill him was his only chance at living.
Late that evening when the surgeon came out to tell us that Isaac was still alive and that the surgery had been at least a partial success, I felt like I could breath again for the first time in a very long 24+ hours. There was still so much ahead of us, most of which was unknown, but I could sleep a little.
That is what I think of when I hear of a child with unexplained and unusual symptoms. Not that I expect them to have the same diagnosis, but I remember the exhaustion and fear that ruled over me for those hours. Most of the time, their ER and doctor visits are far less dramatic and end with the child and parent sleeping in their own beds that night. I hope that every one of them has that outcome and dread learning of one whose experience more closely resembles ours.
Showing posts with label Isaac. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Isaac. Show all posts
Thursday, February 02, 2012
Thursday, August 04, 2011
Losses part 2: When Things Might Have Been
Can you miss something you've never had? A casual friend of mine asked this question on her facebook page a few months back. She was referring to missing a deadline to register for the Boston Marathon, which she wanted to run, but my own mind went directly to my own missed experiences, and I answered "yes." To me, this is what grief is.
Those who have been reading my blog for the last few years know that I had a stillborn daughter in October of 2007. It has been one of the greatest challenges in my life and easily my greatest loss. For the next year or so, I experienced every holiday, birthday, and other events and important dates torn between what was and what might have been. While I tried to put on a smile for my children, my mind always turned to wondering what would have been different if my baby, Renee, had survived. I couldn't help thinking of all the "firsts" I would have experienced with her. I wondered when she would have rolled over, crawled, tasted her first solid foods, and taken her first steps.
During that time, we found out that we were expecting Isaac. He was born into our family just a little over a year after we said hello and goodbye to Renee. I had a lot of mixed emotions about trying to prepare for a new baby while I was still missing our Angel Baby. I had a hard time getting excited about a baby. Oh, but when he was born, he had my heart! I was so happy to have a perfect little boy added to our family! I really couldn't have asked for a smoother birth or a sweeter baby. We lived in blissful ignorance of what the future held for him and us. We had no idea that he had what was essentially a ticking time-bomb on his spinal cord.
Since his injury, I have found myself grieving once more. It is a strange thing when what you feel you have lost is actually still with you. Isaac did not suffer any brain damage, so from the neck up, he is exactly the same boy he was. He is sweet and affectionate, smart and silly, and of course has his own opinions, as every two year old does! But I feel as though a part of pre-injury-Isaac has died. This is the boy who climbed up chairs to find chocolate when we were visiting Grandma and Grandpa Lund this past Christmas. It's the Isaac who ran up and said, "Hi!" while I was at the stove cooking and then ran back to the bedroom to say, "Hi!" to Aaron and then did it again, and again, and again! The boy who wanted to help move a table and ended up with a black eye won't be back. The Isaac who watered flowers with me is gone. What is left is the Isaac who wishes he could water flowers and gets frustrated when he cannot grip the small watering can that he got as a Christmas gift because I knew he would love to have his own. We had great plans for gardening together this spring and summer. But that time is gone. That Isaac is gone.
I know he will go on to learn and excel in new things. He still has many positive traits and abilities that will help him get through life as a quadriplegic. He inspires me with his ability to adapt to his new body. And I am grateful to have him. I cannot express just how grateful I am. For now, the days are a mixture of this gratitude for his life and grief for what is gone. I know one day the lines that separate those emotions will blur and become unrecognizable. One day, I will look at my boy and see only the Isaac-who-is. The Isaac-who-was will always hold a special place in my heart, but he will only live there as a cherished memory.
I believe that all who grieve are experiencing this kind of loss, regardless of how "big" the loss is. We wish we would have been kinder. We wish we had taken the time to get to know someone. We think of how things would have been different, had we known what we know now. Things change and people change and sometimes feelings change. What we wanted before is no longer an option and that grieves us. We mourn for lost futures or changed or limited futures. This is what grief is for me. That feeling of loosing what I have never had, and aching for what might have been.
Those who have been reading my blog for the last few years know that I had a stillborn daughter in October of 2007. It has been one of the greatest challenges in my life and easily my greatest loss. For the next year or so, I experienced every holiday, birthday, and other events and important dates torn between what was and what might have been. While I tried to put on a smile for my children, my mind always turned to wondering what would have been different if my baby, Renee, had survived. I couldn't help thinking of all the "firsts" I would have experienced with her. I wondered when she would have rolled over, crawled, tasted her first solid foods, and taken her first steps.
During that time, we found out that we were expecting Isaac. He was born into our family just a little over a year after we said hello and goodbye to Renee. I had a lot of mixed emotions about trying to prepare for a new baby while I was still missing our Angel Baby. I had a hard time getting excited about a baby. Oh, but when he was born, he had my heart! I was so happy to have a perfect little boy added to our family! I really couldn't have asked for a smoother birth or a sweeter baby. We lived in blissful ignorance of what the future held for him and us. We had no idea that he had what was essentially a ticking time-bomb on his spinal cord.
Since his injury, I have found myself grieving once more. It is a strange thing when what you feel you have lost is actually still with you. Isaac did not suffer any brain damage, so from the neck up, he is exactly the same boy he was. He is sweet and affectionate, smart and silly, and of course has his own opinions, as every two year old does! But I feel as though a part of pre-injury-Isaac has died. This is the boy who climbed up chairs to find chocolate when we were visiting Grandma and Grandpa Lund this past Christmas. It's the Isaac who ran up and said, "Hi!" while I was at the stove cooking and then ran back to the bedroom to say, "Hi!" to Aaron and then did it again, and again, and again! The boy who wanted to help move a table and ended up with a black eye won't be back. The Isaac who watered flowers with me is gone. What is left is the Isaac who wishes he could water flowers and gets frustrated when he cannot grip the small watering can that he got as a Christmas gift because I knew he would love to have his own. We had great plans for gardening together this spring and summer. But that time is gone. That Isaac is gone.
I know he will go on to learn and excel in new things. He still has many positive traits and abilities that will help him get through life as a quadriplegic. He inspires me with his ability to adapt to his new body. And I am grateful to have him. I cannot express just how grateful I am. For now, the days are a mixture of this gratitude for his life and grief for what is gone. I know one day the lines that separate those emotions will blur and become unrecognizable. One day, I will look at my boy and see only the Isaac-who-is. The Isaac-who-was will always hold a special place in my heart, but he will only live there as a cherished memory.
I believe that all who grieve are experiencing this kind of loss, regardless of how "big" the loss is. We wish we would have been kinder. We wish we had taken the time to get to know someone. We think of how things would have been different, had we known what we know now. Things change and people change and sometimes feelings change. What we wanted before is no longer an option and that grieves us. We mourn for lost futures or changed or limited futures. This is what grief is for me. That feeling of loosing what I have never had, and aching for what might have been.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
A few questions answered
We get a lot of questions about Isaac and how he is doing, and some of them seem to come up fairly often. Probably the most common question is just, "How is Isaac doing?" which can sometimes be hard to answer. I can say, "Great!" because, he has improved so much and we are excited about that, but there are a lot of things he still can't do, and I don't want to lead people to believe that he is up and doing all the things he used to. I usually try to figure out what the last thing is that they heard and go from there. At the moment, I feel like he is doing really well! His neck and arm muscles are visibly stronger and his abdominal muscles are improving also. He is learning how to use what he has to compensate for what he doesn't.
Another frequent question is, "Will he walk again?" This is a difficult thing to answer. We don't really know what the future holds for him, but because the spinal cord does not regrow, and he has had a significant injury that is high up on his spine, the chances of him ever walking again on his own are extremely slim. One of the rehabilitation doctors we saw said he had never seen someone walk after an injury that high up. In addition to that, Isaac still has not been able to make his legs move. He has spasms in his legs, but they are reflexive and not caused by impulses traveling from the brain to the legs. It is a local response to stimuli, and it is normal for people who are paralyzed to have them.
They say that after an injury, 90% of whatever they get back will come back in the first 6 months. It is hard to believe, but we are only a little over a month from that six month mark. Of course, some things will come back after that, but there is very little chance that he would go from having no movement in his legs to walking.
Where we do have hope, is in medical technology. There is a rehab group that did help a local woman walk again after she was in a paralyzing accident. They were able to bypass her spinal injury and send the signal to her legs. These kind of things are encouraging. We don't know yet how or if this kind of technology will work for Isaac, but the fact that it is possible and even happening in our own community is exciting! In addition, there has been a lot of research that has gone into using stem cells to regrow spinal cord tissue. Although it is still a work in progress, there is some hope that this type of technology could help Isaac someday. He is young and we don't know where these technological developments will lead or what new discoveries and experiments will lead in his lifetime. If I think of all the things that have changed in the last 30 years since I was born, it gives a lot of hope for what Isaac's adult life may look like.
Another question we have gotten is about what Isaac eats. Right now, Isaac gets three "meals" a day and a continuous feed at night through a G-tube that goes directly into his stomach. Yes, this means he has a tube sticking out of his abdomen. It has a little port, called a "button," so we can remove the tubing and he is not stuck to tubes continuously. He did have swallow studies at the hospital and was cleared to eat all solids and drink all liquids, but he hasn't had much interest in eating. We suspect that part of this is because he doesn't taste or smell the same way he used to be able to. His trach bypasses his nose and mouth so those senses are somewhat dulled. Food seems to be less interesting to him than it once was. That being said, he does love apple juice! It is his beverage of choice, and he drinks it regularly. Occasionally, he does eat food. He likes all the good stuff like chocolate and oreo cookies! Even if he does eat, it is usually limited amounts. He has surprised us a few times and eaten enough to consider it a meal, but that is the exception rather than the rule for him. For the most part, this type of feeding works well for Isaac, but we do have some issues with him throwing up. So far, we haven't been able to figure out what causes it, and it has become fairly routine. He is on antacids to try to prevent reflux and hopefully keep it from damaging his throat. One of the good things is that he hasn't had a problem with aspirating fluids including the formula that comes back up. Using a G-tube isn't ideal, but he is gaining weight and growing normally, so he is getting the nutrition he needs.
Isaac is a happy boy. We are so glad to have him! If anyone can get through this with a smile, he can. He is working hard with his therapists and improving everyday. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and questions. We would love to answer any others that you have! Feel free to ask anything that you have been wondering or are curious about.
Another frequent question is, "Will he walk again?" This is a difficult thing to answer. We don't really know what the future holds for him, but because the spinal cord does not regrow, and he has had a significant injury that is high up on his spine, the chances of him ever walking again on his own are extremely slim. One of the rehabilitation doctors we saw said he had never seen someone walk after an injury that high up. In addition to that, Isaac still has not been able to make his legs move. He has spasms in his legs, but they are reflexive and not caused by impulses traveling from the brain to the legs. It is a local response to stimuli, and it is normal for people who are paralyzed to have them.
They say that after an injury, 90% of whatever they get back will come back in the first 6 months. It is hard to believe, but we are only a little over a month from that six month mark. Of course, some things will come back after that, but there is very little chance that he would go from having no movement in his legs to walking.
Where we do have hope, is in medical technology. There is a rehab group that did help a local woman walk again after she was in a paralyzing accident. They were able to bypass her spinal injury and send the signal to her legs. These kind of things are encouraging. We don't know yet how or if this kind of technology will work for Isaac, but the fact that it is possible and even happening in our own community is exciting! In addition, there has been a lot of research that has gone into using stem cells to regrow spinal cord tissue. Although it is still a work in progress, there is some hope that this type of technology could help Isaac someday. He is young and we don't know where these technological developments will lead or what new discoveries and experiments will lead in his lifetime. If I think of all the things that have changed in the last 30 years since I was born, it gives a lot of hope for what Isaac's adult life may look like.
Another question we have gotten is about what Isaac eats. Right now, Isaac gets three "meals" a day and a continuous feed at night through a G-tube that goes directly into his stomach. Yes, this means he has a tube sticking out of his abdomen. It has a little port, called a "button," so we can remove the tubing and he is not stuck to tubes continuously. He did have swallow studies at the hospital and was cleared to eat all solids and drink all liquids, but he hasn't had much interest in eating. We suspect that part of this is because he doesn't taste or smell the same way he used to be able to. His trach bypasses his nose and mouth so those senses are somewhat dulled. Food seems to be less interesting to him than it once was. That being said, he does love apple juice! It is his beverage of choice, and he drinks it regularly. Occasionally, he does eat food. He likes all the good stuff like chocolate and oreo cookies! Even if he does eat, it is usually limited amounts. He has surprised us a few times and eaten enough to consider it a meal, but that is the exception rather than the rule for him. For the most part, this type of feeding works well for Isaac, but we do have some issues with him throwing up. So far, we haven't been able to figure out what causes it, and it has become fairly routine. He is on antacids to try to prevent reflux and hopefully keep it from damaging his throat. One of the good things is that he hasn't had a problem with aspirating fluids including the formula that comes back up. Using a G-tube isn't ideal, but he is gaining weight and growing normally, so he is getting the nutrition he needs.
Isaac is a happy boy. We are so glad to have him! If anyone can get through this with a smile, he can. He is working hard with his therapists and improving everyday. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and questions. We would love to answer any others that you have! Feel free to ask anything that you have been wondering or are curious about.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
A quick update
Well, it has been a while, so I thought I'd post an update. Last week, Aaron, Isaac, and I went to Salt Lake for a bunch of appointments. Isaac saw Pulminology, Urology, and the wheelchair clinic. Aaron also had a consult and a procedure to take care of an AVM in his lung. It was a very busy trip! Isaac did well for Pulminology and Urology. Everything came back looking good! These are areas where we will continue to need follow up for him, but for now, things look good. He also got to drive around a motorized wheelchair. He had tried one out when he was in the hospital, and did pretty good with it, so we are starting the process of getting him one of his own. He will get a loaner chair in August that he should be able to keep for a month or so. He will have a checklist of things he needs to be able to do before Medicaid will pay for such an expensive piece of equipment, so he will be able to practice all those things and we can get documentation before we actually ask them to pay for it. Apparently, they don't believe toddlers can control a power chair or that they have a need for them, so it often takes a long time to actually get a chair. The ladies that I talked to said it would be a minimum of six months before they could get one for him. Still, we are optimistic. Isaac already passed off most of the requirements while he zipped around the blocked off parking lot! He had so much fun and pouted when we said it was time to stop. The ladies jokingly said we should send in a video of him pouting. It is hard to say no to a face like his! Anyway, it will take some time, but we are excited to be working toward getting a power chair for him.
The rest of the trip was tiring, and Isaac had some issues breathing a couple times, but mostly it went well. Aaron's procedure was uncomfortable, but uneventful and successful. It is nice to have that out of the way.
Since we have been home, Isaac has been doing great! He has been sleeping better at night, working hard in therapy, and he has wanted to get out of bed more and actually eating more too! He still has a long way to go, but we are happy with his progress.
The rest of the trip was tiring, and Isaac had some issues breathing a couple times, but mostly it went well. Aaron's procedure was uncomfortable, but uneventful and successful. It is nice to have that out of the way.
Since we have been home, Isaac has been doing great! He has been sleeping better at night, working hard in therapy, and he has wanted to get out of bed more and actually eating more too! He still has a long way to go, but we are happy with his progress.
Monday, June 27, 2011
A Day in This Life
Here's a view of what a typical day might look like for us. Of course this varies. Some days I don't do anything that I don't really have to do... wait, actually, that's most days! I guess there are days that I don't do the things that really need getting done, but most days, I do try! Anyway, here it is! A usual day in the Lund household.
7am The nurse wakes me up at the end of her shift. We spend 5-10 minutes talking about how the night went and anything new that will need to be changed. Then she leaves. Usually, Isaac is awake and begins asking when he can wake up dad. Our current arrangement is that I can go to bed at 10pm (an hour before the nurse arrives) and Aaron gets to sleep for an hour after she leaves.
7:30 ish. After talking to Isaac, sometimes reading him a story, sometimes suctioning him or changing his diaper, I make some attempt at exercise. Sometimes this works, other times, I don't have the energy, and sit there watching Kung-Fu Panda or Blues Clues with Isaac instead.
7:45 I get Isaac's med's ready. There are 5 different medications that I have to give him. They are scheduled for 8:00, but I usually try to give them a little early so that I have them done before we wake up Aaron.
8:00 Usually, Isaac wants to be involved in the waking up of Dad, so I unhook him from his monitor, ventilator, suction, and feeds. Hopefully I remember to turn of the humidifier that goes with his vent, otherwise, it runs all day. I can then take him to our bed where he "yells" in his not very loud voice, "Wake up, Dad!" You really have to hear it. He has to use a lot of air to talk, so each syllable comes out on a different breath. It's more like, "Wake... Up... Dad!"
8:15 For the next hour or so, there's not much that needs to be done, but the kids usually start getting up and asking for food and whining when I tell them they have to get dressed. Aaron gets up and starts getting ready. I usually get dressed and have some breakfast.
9:30 This is when Isaac is supposed to get his bowel program. It actually happens on time about half the time. It takes about 40 minutes from start to finish. I doubt many of you really want to know what this entails, but we will just say it is his own special potty training program.
10:00 Isaac is supposed to get his morning feed now, but if other things haven't been on schedule, it generally gets pushed later.
11:00 If Isaac has therapy, this is when we do it. If not, we all sigh a great sigh, because it means we don't have anything else to worry about for now. Except for housework. So now is when I might try to vaccuum, get the kids to clean their rooms, sweep and mop, or clean a toilet or something. It can't be too intensive, because soon the kids will be asking for lunch and I will be getting hungry myself. On therapy days, we don't get much done.
12:00-2:00 Lunch can happen anytime in this time frame. It's usually whenever the kids say, "I'm starving!!!!"
Things in the afternoon get less scheduled. Isaac gets a feed at 2:00 (unless the morning one was late or he actually ate and drank.) After the feed, he gets his afternoon med's. The kids only have permission to play the Wii or other computer type games between lunch and dinner, so they are usually glued to a screen and I take a break or try to get more housework done.
Throughout the day, Isaac of course needs his trach suctioned, diapers changed and his position changed. We try to get him out of bed and into his wheel chair or some other seating arrangement. Sometimes I can read him a book, but usually I am busy or he is napping.
Aaron usually comes home at about 6:30. If I am really on top of things, I'll try to have something ready for dinner when he gets home. Usually though, I'm trying to figure out something quick and easy when he walks in the door. We are lucky if we sit down to eat by 7:00. Then it's getting the kids ready for bed. Lately, they have finally gotten to bed about 9:30, but 10:00 hasn't been uncommon. There was even one night last week that Leonora came wandering out of her room after the nurse got here at 11:00. Once they are in bed, I usually clean up the kitchen, the table, and the living room. I usually get the dishes going and put away whatever has been left out. Depending on how late the kids go to bed and how much cleaning up there is to do, Aaron and I might have time to watch something before the nurse gets here. Sometimes I stay up and we do that, and sometimes I go to bed while Aaron waits up for the nurse. If we are lucky, there are no interruptions during the night and at 7:00 the next morning, it starts again.
I should note that starting this coming Friday, Isaac's nurse will be coming at 10:00! A whole hour earlier! That should make getting sleep a little easier. :)
7am The nurse wakes me up at the end of her shift. We spend 5-10 minutes talking about how the night went and anything new that will need to be changed. Then she leaves. Usually, Isaac is awake and begins asking when he can wake up dad. Our current arrangement is that I can go to bed at 10pm (an hour before the nurse arrives) and Aaron gets to sleep for an hour after she leaves.
7:30 ish. After talking to Isaac, sometimes reading him a story, sometimes suctioning him or changing his diaper, I make some attempt at exercise. Sometimes this works, other times, I don't have the energy, and sit there watching Kung-Fu Panda or Blues Clues with Isaac instead.
7:45 I get Isaac's med's ready. There are 5 different medications that I have to give him. They are scheduled for 8:00, but I usually try to give them a little early so that I have them done before we wake up Aaron.
8:00 Usually, Isaac wants to be involved in the waking up of Dad, so I unhook him from his monitor, ventilator, suction, and feeds. Hopefully I remember to turn of the humidifier that goes with his vent, otherwise, it runs all day. I can then take him to our bed where he "yells" in his not very loud voice, "Wake up, Dad!" You really have to hear it. He has to use a lot of air to talk, so each syllable comes out on a different breath. It's more like, "Wake... Up... Dad!"
8:15 For the next hour or so, there's not much that needs to be done, but the kids usually start getting up and asking for food and whining when I tell them they have to get dressed. Aaron gets up and starts getting ready. I usually get dressed and have some breakfast.
9:30 This is when Isaac is supposed to get his bowel program. It actually happens on time about half the time. It takes about 40 minutes from start to finish. I doubt many of you really want to know what this entails, but we will just say it is his own special potty training program.
10:00 Isaac is supposed to get his morning feed now, but if other things haven't been on schedule, it generally gets pushed later.
11:00 If Isaac has therapy, this is when we do it. If not, we all sigh a great sigh, because it means we don't have anything else to worry about for now. Except for housework. So now is when I might try to vaccuum, get the kids to clean their rooms, sweep and mop, or clean a toilet or something. It can't be too intensive, because soon the kids will be asking for lunch and I will be getting hungry myself. On therapy days, we don't get much done.
12:00-2:00 Lunch can happen anytime in this time frame. It's usually whenever the kids say, "I'm starving!!!!"
Things in the afternoon get less scheduled. Isaac gets a feed at 2:00 (unless the morning one was late or he actually ate and drank.) After the feed, he gets his afternoon med's. The kids only have permission to play the Wii or other computer type games between lunch and dinner, so they are usually glued to a screen and I take a break or try to get more housework done.
Throughout the day, Isaac of course needs his trach suctioned, diapers changed and his position changed. We try to get him out of bed and into his wheel chair or some other seating arrangement. Sometimes I can read him a book, but usually I am busy or he is napping.
Aaron usually comes home at about 6:30. If I am really on top of things, I'll try to have something ready for dinner when he gets home. Usually though, I'm trying to figure out something quick and easy when he walks in the door. We are lucky if we sit down to eat by 7:00. Then it's getting the kids ready for bed. Lately, they have finally gotten to bed about 9:30, but 10:00 hasn't been uncommon. There was even one night last week that Leonora came wandering out of her room after the nurse got here at 11:00. Once they are in bed, I usually clean up the kitchen, the table, and the living room. I usually get the dishes going and put away whatever has been left out. Depending on how late the kids go to bed and how much cleaning up there is to do, Aaron and I might have time to watch something before the nurse gets here. Sometimes I stay up and we do that, and sometimes I go to bed while Aaron waits up for the nurse. If we are lucky, there are no interruptions during the night and at 7:00 the next morning, it starts again.
I should note that starting this coming Friday, Isaac's nurse will be coming at 10:00! A whole hour earlier! That should make getting sleep a little easier. :)
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
Losses part 1: A Little Loss
When I first joined Facebook, I bookmarked the site without paying much attention to which page I was bookmarking. It happens to be linked to a photo album of my kids. Everytime I click the link on my toolbar, it takes me to a page of pictures from Isaac's first several months of life. One picture in particular is of William, Leonora, and Isaac on the day that Isaac was blessed.
In this picture, Isaac is wearing one of the few things I have sewn on my own without any help. I had spent time picking out the fabric and pattern, carefully cutting the pieces, and rushed to finish it in time for his blessing. I had pressed it that morning and dressed him in it for his special day. It was the only time I actually made something for any of our children's blessings, and I was so happy with the outcome!
When he was blessed, we were in the process of moving from one apartment to another. In the week or so that followed, we spent several evenings at the old apartment getting things packed up and moved over to the new apartment. On one such evening, I had been gathering up towels, blankets and other random things that hadn't been moved over yet. We were short on boxes, and since most of what I was packing was soft, I packed it into garbage bags. I packed a bunch of Isaac's receiving blankets and his blessing outfit into one of these bags. While I had been packing, Aaron was taking a load of previously packed things to the new place. We talked on the phone, and he told me he would be on his way back soon. I finished up what I was doing and went downstairs to a neighbor's apartment where she had been watching the kids while we packed. I got into a conversation with her and was still talking when Aaron got back.
We took the kids straight to the car. Most of our conversation revolved around how tired we were and how we didn't really enjoy moving. When we got home, I thought briefly about asking Aaron if we should unload the car where I assumed he had put the bags that I had packed earlier, but we were tired, and I thought, it can wait until morning.
Can you all see what is coming here? The next morning, I went back to the old apartment. There were no bags in the apartment, no bags in the car. I called Aaron and he confirmed that he had thought the bags were trash and had thrown them away the night before. We hurried down to the dumpster, but found it completely empty. I was horrified. I called Aaron, and he felt terrible. I had lost the best of my towels, blankets for Isaac, William's Superman towel, and other random articles of clothing, but most of all, my new baby's blessing clothes that I had lovingly worked to complete. I sobbed out loud. I couldn't believe that it was gone, and what was worse was it had only spent about 12 hours in the garbage. Had I been there a couple hours earlier, I'm certain I could have rescued it.
I probably spent an hour mourning the loss of a small jacket and pair of pants. I'm sure that the stress of moving, lack of sleep that comes with having a newborn, and the hormones that were not back to normal levels, didn't help my emotional state, but I am still a little sad that I don't have that keepsake from a special time in my little boy's life.
A loss is a difficult thing to measure. It all depends on our own experiences and perspective on life. Is this a monumental loss? No. I think that this could be considered a relatively small loss. My life has and will continue in a relatively unchanged manner. But it was important to me. It's something that I will always remember and miss.
In this picture, Isaac is wearing one of the few things I have sewn on my own without any help. I had spent time picking out the fabric and pattern, carefully cutting the pieces, and rushed to finish it in time for his blessing. I had pressed it that morning and dressed him in it for his special day. It was the only time I actually made something for any of our children's blessings, and I was so happy with the outcome!
When he was blessed, we were in the process of moving from one apartment to another. In the week or so that followed, we spent several evenings at the old apartment getting things packed up and moved over to the new apartment. On one such evening, I had been gathering up towels, blankets and other random things that hadn't been moved over yet. We were short on boxes, and since most of what I was packing was soft, I packed it into garbage bags. I packed a bunch of Isaac's receiving blankets and his blessing outfit into one of these bags. While I had been packing, Aaron was taking a load of previously packed things to the new place. We talked on the phone, and he told me he would be on his way back soon. I finished up what I was doing and went downstairs to a neighbor's apartment where she had been watching the kids while we packed. I got into a conversation with her and was still talking when Aaron got back.
We took the kids straight to the car. Most of our conversation revolved around how tired we were and how we didn't really enjoy moving. When we got home, I thought briefly about asking Aaron if we should unload the car where I assumed he had put the bags that I had packed earlier, but we were tired, and I thought, it can wait until morning.
Can you all see what is coming here? The next morning, I went back to the old apartment. There were no bags in the apartment, no bags in the car. I called Aaron and he confirmed that he had thought the bags were trash and had thrown them away the night before. We hurried down to the dumpster, but found it completely empty. I was horrified. I called Aaron, and he felt terrible. I had lost the best of my towels, blankets for Isaac, William's Superman towel, and other random articles of clothing, but most of all, my new baby's blessing clothes that I had lovingly worked to complete. I sobbed out loud. I couldn't believe that it was gone, and what was worse was it had only spent about 12 hours in the garbage. Had I been there a couple hours earlier, I'm certain I could have rescued it.
I probably spent an hour mourning the loss of a small jacket and pair of pants. I'm sure that the stress of moving, lack of sleep that comes with having a newborn, and the hormones that were not back to normal levels, didn't help my emotional state, but I am still a little sad that I don't have that keepsake from a special time in my little boy's life.
A loss is a difficult thing to measure. It all depends on our own experiences and perspective on life. Is this a monumental loss? No. I think that this could be considered a relatively small loss. My life has and will continue in a relatively unchanged manner. But it was important to me. It's something that I will always remember and miss.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Searching for the New Normal
We first heard the phrase, "new normal," when we lost our daughter Renee. When something that dramatic happens, life will never go back to the normal that it had been before. It's like going from a smooth flat road to a hilly winding road. Nothing about the two roads is the same other than the fact that they are roads. Nothing can be the same about life before and after those type of events other than it's still Life. Hills and switchbacks are normal for a mountain road, but if you found them in an otherwise flat landscape, that would not be normal.
We've found ourselves again searching for that road that will allow us to move forward. Normal has escaped us for the time being. We had been traveling along our normal path and suddenly found ourselves speeding along streets we could never have known were ahead of us. The hospital had become a sort of temporary Normal for us during the 7 weeks that Isaac spent there. But we knew that wouldn't be forever and we didn't want it to be either. When we got him home, we were in the process of moving to a new home, so things didn't get a chance to get used to being home again-let alone get used to having nurses in our home, boxes of medical supplies and equipment to figure out what to do with. Even when we moved, William stayed at my parent's so he could finish the school year, so we still weren't all together for most of the week.
Now we are all together in our new apartment. I am still trying to figure out where everything fits best, and we are still trying to make some kind of schedule that works for our family. Our winding street has merged into a massive junction of freeways and city streets and ours is a complicated path. I imagine there will be a few U-turns along the way. I feel like "Normal" is close, maybe on a parallel street, but, as with many street and highway systems, seeing where you are going is often a long way from being there. We are beginning to see what our New Normal will look like, but we still haven't figured out exactly how we are supposed to get there. One day, the things we struggle with will become second nature. Then I will feel like we have found the now elusive Normal.
We've found ourselves again searching for that road that will allow us to move forward. Normal has escaped us for the time being. We had been traveling along our normal path and suddenly found ourselves speeding along streets we could never have known were ahead of us. The hospital had become a sort of temporary Normal for us during the 7 weeks that Isaac spent there. But we knew that wouldn't be forever and we didn't want it to be either. When we got him home, we were in the process of moving to a new home, so things didn't get a chance to get used to being home again-let alone get used to having nurses in our home, boxes of medical supplies and equipment to figure out what to do with. Even when we moved, William stayed at my parent's so he could finish the school year, so we still weren't all together for most of the week.
Now we are all together in our new apartment. I am still trying to figure out where everything fits best, and we are still trying to make some kind of schedule that works for our family. Our winding street has merged into a massive junction of freeways and city streets and ours is a complicated path. I imagine there will be a few U-turns along the way. I feel like "Normal" is close, maybe on a parallel street, but, as with many street and highway systems, seeing where you are going is often a long way from being there. We are beginning to see what our New Normal will look like, but we still haven't figured out exactly how we are supposed to get there. One day, the things we struggle with will become second nature. Then I will feel like we have found the now elusive Normal.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Just a couple pics...
I tried to post these while Isaac was still in the hospital, but could never get it to post.
Isaac smiling. He is such a happy boy-most of the time!
Isaac smiling. He is such a happy boy-most of the time!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
This Is Hard
Just in case you were wondering.
I am home right now. I drove 4 1/2 hours today so I could see Leonora perform in her first dance recital. Aaron is still in SLC with Isaac. Tomorrow, I will be looking into housing in St George, doing a little food shopping, picking up some Tupperware flyers, and driving back to Salt Lake. I am tired. I feel like I should be saying good night to Isaac. I miss having my husband with me. I was unexpectedly overwhelmed by all the people and noise at the dance recital. I was wondering before it started if I would make it through the whole thing.
But I know that if I had stayed with Isaac and Aaron, I would feel terrible for missing Leonora's recital. I would be missing her and William. I would still be exhausted.
I am glad I got to see Leonora dance.
I feel so torn between here and there. I am really looking forward to having us all together again. I'm sure that will bring it's own challenges, but we should be together. Things are better when we are together.
I am home right now. I drove 4 1/2 hours today so I could see Leonora perform in her first dance recital. Aaron is still in SLC with Isaac. Tomorrow, I will be looking into housing in St George, doing a little food shopping, picking up some Tupperware flyers, and driving back to Salt Lake. I am tired. I feel like I should be saying good night to Isaac. I miss having my husband with me. I was unexpectedly overwhelmed by all the people and noise at the dance recital. I was wondering before it started if I would make it through the whole thing.
But I know that if I had stayed with Isaac and Aaron, I would feel terrible for missing Leonora's recital. I would be missing her and William. I would still be exhausted.
I am glad I got to see Leonora dance.
I feel so torn between here and there. I am really looking forward to having us all together again. I'm sure that will bring it's own challenges, but we should be together. Things are better when we are together.
Friday, March 18, 2011
My miracles
*This is the first chance I've had to blog this. I wrote it on the morning of his second surgery, before we knew he would be having surgery that night.
My children are all miracles.
William was born with stubborn clubbed feet (feet that are bent inward) and a stubborn introverted personality to match it. In spite of-or perhaps because of this personality and physical limitation that he was born with, he walks, runs, plays and fights like every normal 7 year old. What he lacks in physical ability, he more than makes up for in mental ability. he has always been a very bright boy who excells in math and science and has a thirst for knowledge in all areas. His miracle is his lack of disabilities.
Leonora was born perfect. She was like a beautiful porcelin doll. I cannot even begin to count the numorous peoplew who would pause in grocery stores and other public places to tell me how beautiful my baby was and how doll-like she was. Once, an older lady in Walmart nearly ran me over with one of those electric riding carts. She thought that Leonora was a doll in a carseat until she saw Leonora move. She was so shocked, she swerved and nearly collided with my cart! Shortly before her 2nd birthday, Leonora got pneumonia. Our whole family had had the flu, but as the rest of us got better, Leonora continued to worsen. She was admitted to the local hospital and then lifeflighted to Primary Children's Hospital. Her combined hospital stays were a full two weeks. We were so worried for her during that time, but she fought through it and was blessed to avoid more serious srgery to remove a part of her lung. Today she has an incredible amount of energy. Sometimes it drives us all a little crazy, but she is also full of love. Her healing from the pneumonia, her high energy, and her boundless love for all those she meets (and often those she hasn't) are Leonora's miracle.
When we found out that we were expecting another child just after Leonora's 1st birthday, we were exited and happy. I felt this baby's movements earlier and stronger than with either of my previous pregnancies. At about 20 weeks gestation, Aaron and I went to the hospital for the standard, mid-pregnancy ultrasound. This is when most people find out the gender of their baby. It's something moms anticipate and look forward to. For us, it was the first chance to see our baby. Because of our issues with William's feet, clubbed feet was at the top of my list of concerns. Our baby showed no signs of this deformity, but something more serious. She had a cyst at the back of her head, and her body was retaining fluids. Her kidneys had already ceased to function. At or first look at our baby, her time on this Earth was coming to a close. Her heart continued to beat for about 2 1/2 weeks before her sweet spirit returned to Heavenly Father. At about 23 weeks gestation, the doctor induced labor, and out sweet angel was born. Her birth should have been a great time of joy. Instead, it was our greatest loss. It is impossible to explain the sorrow of loosing a child to anyone who hasn't experienced it. I feel it is the greatest blow a parent can experience. Despite this heartache that consumed my life for many months, I feel that our angel, Renee, is a great miracle in my life. Having greater understanding of this sorrow has given me greater empathy when those I know have lost children. It has proven that I can get trhough more than I thought I ever could. It eventually gave me strength. Renee means "reborn." I believe that not only will she be reborn into a new and perfect body fit for such a strong spirit, but her presance in our family has been a sort of familial rebirth. She changed how we function as a family-for the better. I believe she was given that body because she was one of the few spirits who could suport it for that long. Her condition is a common cause for early miscarraiges, so reaching the point of having a fully formed body is unusual. She was a miracle.
About 6 months after we lost Renee, we found that we were expecting again. There were a lot of mixed emotions about that news, but in general, I was happy about it. We had extra tests that we hadn't had before just to give us reassurance that everything was okay. A few months after the 1st anneversary of Renee's birth and death, Isaac was born. He had perfect timing! He was born early (unlike my other children), and easily. I was overcome with joy and relief the first time I held him in my arms. I sobbed and cried and held him close. I didn't want to miss anything about him-the way he looked, sounded, smelled, and the weight of him in my arms. We picked the name Isaac because it means "laughter," and his middle name Nathan (after his two uncles) means "gift." He was our gift of laughter, sunshine, joy, and hope. He continued to live up to his name. I often say he was born smiling. i think I recorded is first responsive smile (one that was made in reaction to my own smile) at about 3 weeks old. As he grew, he developed normally. There was nothing exceptional about when he first walked or said his first word, yet his pleasant deminor, quick smile, beautiful eyes, and adorable dimples, made him exceptional in every way. As soon as he could walk, he became my biggest helper. He always wanted to sweep and vacuum with me and help me with dishes and laundry. With Isaac, house work could even be fun! He has been my biggest miracle. He gave me everything and more than I had lost when Renee's heart stopped beating. My other children have always brought me joy, but giving happiness seemed to be Isaac's life mission.
Today is Monday, March 7th, 2011. We have been in a hospital since I took Isaac to the ER on Friday night. He had lost movement in his right arm and leg. He had been getting over a cold, so it was originally thought that he may have pneumonia, menengitis, or both. When he was getting worse, the doctor decided he needed to be life flighted to Primary Children's Hospital. By the time we arrived at Children's, Isaac had not been moving much at all for sometime. His movement and responsiveness continued to decrease. It was decided that this was a nuerological issue and to find out for sure what was going on, he needed an MRI. They told me it would be about 2 hours for the MRI. About 3 1/2 hours later, he finally returned and I was given bad news. He had an AVM burst (a malformation of blood vessels that causes them to be weak). His AVM was located on his upper spinal cord which is why it caused his immobility. Emergency surgery was done to relieve swelling of his spinal cord. I was told that there was a significant possibility that he could bleed during surgery and that if there were bleeding, there may not be any way to stop it. As a mother who has lost one child, I understood too well what they were telling me. We were told he'd made it through with only minor complications when his heart rate and breathing slowed to extremely low levels. When we recieved the news that he made it through, there was a huge sigh of relief from me and my friends and family present in the room. I felt we had recieved another miracle. Now he lays in bed. He occasionally opens his eyes, turns his head and has had some small movements in his arms. These too are small miracles; however, there is no gaurentee that he will be able to do basic things on his own ever again. Even breathing on his own may never be a possibility. The good news is, he has no brain damage. It is only in his upper spine, which affects all the nerves that control his motor function.
Right now, we are praying for a bigger miracle than we have yet recieved. I deparately want my little boy to be whole again. I know that through God all things are possible if it is in accordance to his plan. I can only hope and pray that is plan and my desires match up. I also know that miracles take faith it takes. Please join your faith and prayers with ours for the recovery of Isaac. Pray for us and his doctors to know how to help him. Pray for us all to have the strength to get trhough this and to accept the outcome-whatever it is. Pray for us to see and accept God's plan for our family. Every prayer and good thought sent our way helps. We are so appreciative of all the love, support, and prayers we have received. They keep us going. Please keep sending them. Thank you so much.
*Since I wrote this, there has been one more surgery to remove the AVM. We have been very blessed to have amazing doctors, nurses, and others to take care of Isaac. He has been more alert. Some days are better than others, but he has smiled and moved his arms more. Today he will have a Tracheotomy to help him breath. He has been on a ventilator with a tube in his mouth, and we are anxious and excited to have this procedure done. hopefully he will be able to start intensive rehabilitation in a few days.
My children are all miracles.
William was born with stubborn clubbed feet (feet that are bent inward) and a stubborn introverted personality to match it. In spite of-or perhaps because of this personality and physical limitation that he was born with, he walks, runs, plays and fights like every normal 7 year old. What he lacks in physical ability, he more than makes up for in mental ability. he has always been a very bright boy who excells in math and science and has a thirst for knowledge in all areas. His miracle is his lack of disabilities.
Leonora was born perfect. She was like a beautiful porcelin doll. I cannot even begin to count the numorous peoplew who would pause in grocery stores and other public places to tell me how beautiful my baby was and how doll-like she was. Once, an older lady in Walmart nearly ran me over with one of those electric riding carts. She thought that Leonora was a doll in a carseat until she saw Leonora move. She was so shocked, she swerved and nearly collided with my cart! Shortly before her 2nd birthday, Leonora got pneumonia. Our whole family had had the flu, but as the rest of us got better, Leonora continued to worsen. She was admitted to the local hospital and then lifeflighted to Primary Children's Hospital. Her combined hospital stays were a full two weeks. We were so worried for her during that time, but she fought through it and was blessed to avoid more serious srgery to remove a part of her lung. Today she has an incredible amount of energy. Sometimes it drives us all a little crazy, but she is also full of love. Her healing from the pneumonia, her high energy, and her boundless love for all those she meets (and often those she hasn't) are Leonora's miracle.
When we found out that we were expecting another child just after Leonora's 1st birthday, we were exited and happy. I felt this baby's movements earlier and stronger than with either of my previous pregnancies. At about 20 weeks gestation, Aaron and I went to the hospital for the standard, mid-pregnancy ultrasound. This is when most people find out the gender of their baby. It's something moms anticipate and look forward to. For us, it was the first chance to see our baby. Because of our issues with William's feet, clubbed feet was at the top of my list of concerns. Our baby showed no signs of this deformity, but something more serious. She had a cyst at the back of her head, and her body was retaining fluids. Her kidneys had already ceased to function. At or first look at our baby, her time on this Earth was coming to a close. Her heart continued to beat for about 2 1/2 weeks before her sweet spirit returned to Heavenly Father. At about 23 weeks gestation, the doctor induced labor, and out sweet angel was born. Her birth should have been a great time of joy. Instead, it was our greatest loss. It is impossible to explain the sorrow of loosing a child to anyone who hasn't experienced it. I feel it is the greatest blow a parent can experience. Despite this heartache that consumed my life for many months, I feel that our angel, Renee, is a great miracle in my life. Having greater understanding of this sorrow has given me greater empathy when those I know have lost children. It has proven that I can get trhough more than I thought I ever could. It eventually gave me strength. Renee means "reborn." I believe that not only will she be reborn into a new and perfect body fit for such a strong spirit, but her presance in our family has been a sort of familial rebirth. She changed how we function as a family-for the better. I believe she was given that body because she was one of the few spirits who could suport it for that long. Her condition is a common cause for early miscarraiges, so reaching the point of having a fully formed body is unusual. She was a miracle.
About 6 months after we lost Renee, we found that we were expecting again. There were a lot of mixed emotions about that news, but in general, I was happy about it. We had extra tests that we hadn't had before just to give us reassurance that everything was okay. A few months after the 1st anneversary of Renee's birth and death, Isaac was born. He had perfect timing! He was born early (unlike my other children), and easily. I was overcome with joy and relief the first time I held him in my arms. I sobbed and cried and held him close. I didn't want to miss anything about him-the way he looked, sounded, smelled, and the weight of him in my arms. We picked the name Isaac because it means "laughter," and his middle name Nathan (after his two uncles) means "gift." He was our gift of laughter, sunshine, joy, and hope. He continued to live up to his name. I often say he was born smiling. i think I recorded is first responsive smile (one that was made in reaction to my own smile) at about 3 weeks old. As he grew, he developed normally. There was nothing exceptional about when he first walked or said his first word, yet his pleasant deminor, quick smile, beautiful eyes, and adorable dimples, made him exceptional in every way. As soon as he could walk, he became my biggest helper. He always wanted to sweep and vacuum with me and help me with dishes and laundry. With Isaac, house work could even be fun! He has been my biggest miracle. He gave me everything and more than I had lost when Renee's heart stopped beating. My other children have always brought me joy, but giving happiness seemed to be Isaac's life mission.
Today is Monday, March 7th, 2011. We have been in a hospital since I took Isaac to the ER on Friday night. He had lost movement in his right arm and leg. He had been getting over a cold, so it was originally thought that he may have pneumonia, menengitis, or both. When he was getting worse, the doctor decided he needed to be life flighted to Primary Children's Hospital. By the time we arrived at Children's, Isaac had not been moving much at all for sometime. His movement and responsiveness continued to decrease. It was decided that this was a nuerological issue and to find out for sure what was going on, he needed an MRI. They told me it would be about 2 hours for the MRI. About 3 1/2 hours later, he finally returned and I was given bad news. He had an AVM burst (a malformation of blood vessels that causes them to be weak). His AVM was located on his upper spinal cord which is why it caused his immobility. Emergency surgery was done to relieve swelling of his spinal cord. I was told that there was a significant possibility that he could bleed during surgery and that if there were bleeding, there may not be any way to stop it. As a mother who has lost one child, I understood too well what they were telling me. We were told he'd made it through with only minor complications when his heart rate and breathing slowed to extremely low levels. When we recieved the news that he made it through, there was a huge sigh of relief from me and my friends and family present in the room. I felt we had recieved another miracle. Now he lays in bed. He occasionally opens his eyes, turns his head and has had some small movements in his arms. These too are small miracles; however, there is no gaurentee that he will be able to do basic things on his own ever again. Even breathing on his own may never be a possibility. The good news is, he has no brain damage. It is only in his upper spine, which affects all the nerves that control his motor function.
Right now, we are praying for a bigger miracle than we have yet recieved. I deparately want my little boy to be whole again. I know that through God all things are possible if it is in accordance to his plan. I can only hope and pray that is plan and my desires match up. I also know that miracles take faith it takes. Please join your faith and prayers with ours for the recovery of Isaac. Pray for us and his doctors to know how to help him. Pray for us all to have the strength to get trhough this and to accept the outcome-whatever it is. Pray for us to see and accept God's plan for our family. Every prayer and good thought sent our way helps. We are so appreciative of all the love, support, and prayers we have received. They keep us going. Please keep sending them. Thank you so much.
*Since I wrote this, there has been one more surgery to remove the AVM. We have been very blessed to have amazing doctors, nurses, and others to take care of Isaac. He has been more alert. Some days are better than others, but he has smiled and moved his arms more. Today he will have a Tracheotomy to help him breath. He has been on a ventilator with a tube in his mouth, and we are anxious and excited to have this procedure done. hopefully he will be able to start intensive rehabilitation in a few days.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
In the month of May...
There has been soooo much going on here this month. It's been crazy. There are a lot of things I'd love to do longer posts about, but I just don't know when I will get a chance. Instead, here's a timeline to show what our month has been like!
On May 3rd, Isaac turned 4 months. He is huge! or at least the muscles in my back and arms tink so!
On May 3rd, Isaac turned 4 months. He is huge! or at least the muscles in my back and arms tink so!
Of course, the other kids needed a picture too.
On May 4th, we packed up for a little "vacation."
On the way, we stopped at a park to let the kids stretch their legs.
That evening, we arrived at my sister's house. She was kind enough to let me invite some of my college roommates for a little reunion.
The next day, we took the kids to the zoo. William was so excited to see the elephants-until we got a little closer. Then he was scared that they would "get" him and refused to stand where I could get a good picture of him and the elephants. We did get to watch them eat though. It was a lot of fun watching them pick up whole watermelons with their trunks.
William decided he likes giraffes better.
The next day was not as much fun. William had to have surgery on his feet. This was his 4th surgery for clubbed feet. Not so much fun, but he was a real trooper. He spent the night in the hospital and was released the next day. We spent that afternoon and evening visiting some of Aaron's family. They were kind enough let us stay the night. I guess I was too tired to take pictures... We arrived back at home the evening of the 8th.
And After!
The less fun part of the day was driving for 4 hours because William had to go back to Primary Children's to have his casts changed. We slept at my aunt's house and got up early the next moring to head to the hospital. William was actually pretty good about most of it. He was a bit grumpy about not getting breakfast, but he was getting anethesia and had to have an empty stomach. He was released by noon and we stopped to have lunch with my sister before heading home again.
On the way, we stopped at a park to let the kids stretch their legs.
That evening, we arrived at my sister's house. She was kind enough to let me invite some of my college roommates for a little reunion.
The next day, we took the kids to the zoo. William was so excited to see the elephants-until we got a little closer. Then he was scared that they would "get" him and refused to stand where I could get a good picture of him and the elephants. We did get to watch them eat though. It was a lot of fun watching them pick up whole watermelons with their trunks.
William decided he likes giraffes better.
The next day was not as much fun. William had to have surgery on his feet. This was his 4th surgery for clubbed feet. Not so much fun, but he was a real trooper. He spent the night in the hospital and was released the next day. We spent that afternoon and evening visiting some of Aaron's family. They were kind enough let us stay the night. I guess I was too tired to take pictures... We arrived back at home the evening of the 8th.
With everything going on, we had pretty much forgotten Mother's day, but I did buy myself some chocolate dipped strawberries and shared them with my mom. Aaron caught something and spent the day in bed.
Tuesday, May 12th was a fun day! Sort of...
For the fun part, I got my haircut! Whoo hoo! The heat here has been breaking records, and I just couldn't handle it any more. So, here's the before...
And After!
The less fun part of the day was driving for 4 hours because William had to go back to Primary Children's to have his casts changed. We slept at my aunt's house and got up early the next moring to head to the hospital. William was actually pretty good about most of it. He was a bit grumpy about not getting breakfast, but he was getting anethesia and had to have an empty stomach. He was released by noon and we stopped to have lunch with my sister before heading home again.
The following day, May 14th, Isaac had his 4 month check-up. He weighed 17lbs 3.5oz (90%) and is 25 inches tall (50%). He has a rash on his face that I thought was just dry skin, but hadn't been able to clear up. The doctor thinks he is allergic to something that his skin is in contact with. So we will be trying some different laundry soap to see if that helps. Other than that, he is a happy, healthy boy!
Today, May 19th, is Leonora's birthday. Hopfully I'll get a chance to post more about that later!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Some Video of Isaac
Isaac is 15 weeks.
This is Isaac laughing. This is a relatively new skill for him, and it's so fun for us! I love his high pitched squawks, the way he opens his mouth before he laughs, and that he keeps eating his fists regardless of what I am doing! You can see he rolls onto his side in the video. He has started rolling from back to front in the last few days, but we have yet to capture it on video. He still hasn't rolled from front to back.
Isaac is also a very social and talkative baby. I love his baby talk! He's been "talking" for quite a while, but he always gets quiet when I get the camera out. This is the most I've been able to get on camera. The first 30 seconds or so are the best.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Isaac's Pacifier Adventure
Our other kids have taken pacifiers without a problem. In fact, William was quite crabby without one for a long time. Leonora wasn't crabby without one, but did use them in the car and to fall asleep. Isaac just doesn't seem to see any appeal in them.
First, we tried these "Soothies."
These didn't make him gag, but he wouldn't suck on it either.
I thought we'd give it one more shot. Third time is the charm, right? So I bought some "Nuk" pacifiers.
Those stayed in his mouth for a whole 5 seconds!
Isaac has decided he has a great pacifier already in his mouth:
First, we tried these "Soothies."
He gagged on them.
Next it was a Playtex "Binky."
These didn't make him gag, but he wouldn't suck on it either.
I thought we'd give it one more shot. Third time is the charm, right? So I bought some "Nuk" pacifiers.
Those stayed in his mouth for a whole 5 seconds!Isaac has decided he has a great pacifier already in his mouth:
ps yes that's me chuckling in the background and the kids watching Wall-E.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Two Months!
Time has gotten away from me! I didn't even realize that I hadn't posted about Isaac's 2 month check up!
Isaac has gotten huge! At least, he seems huge to me. If you were carrying him around all the time, he'd seem huge to you too!! He had his 2 month check up last week and is doing well. He weighed in at 14lbs even (95th percentile) and was 23 1/2 inches long(75th percentile). He has a slightly flat spot on the back right side of his head, so we are trying to encourage him to turn more to the left. Other than that and a case of craddle cap, he's a happy healthy little boy!
Isaac has gotten huge! At least, he seems huge to me. If you were carrying him around all the time, he'd seem huge to you too!! He had his 2 month check up last week and is doing well. He weighed in at 14lbs even (95th percentile) and was 23 1/2 inches long(75th percentile). He has a slightly flat spot on the back right side of his head, so we are trying to encourage him to turn more to the left. Other than that and a case of craddle cap, he's a happy healthy little boy!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Isaac's Blessing
Isaac was blessed in chuch on Sunday. I miraculously finished the outfit I was working on for him. Well, all but the buttons, but I think it turned out pretty good even with no buttons! The blessing was very nice! Aaron and I both had a lot of family who were able to attend. It was nice to have so many of them there with us! Here are a few pictures!
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Isaac is one month old!
Isn't that amazing?! The last 4+ weeks have flown by for me!
Isaac had his 4 week check up today. He weighs 11lbs, 2 oz and is 22 inches long! His head is about 15 1/2 inches around.
The doctor's verdict: One "Healthy Hunk!"
I'd like to add that he's a handsome little hunk as well!
Monday, January 19, 2009
The two-week check up!
Isaac had an appointment with the pediatritian today. He got weighed, measured, listened to and looked at! The jaundice we had been watching is gone and he is back over his birth weight! His current measurments are 8lbs 12oz and 22 inches long. He's around the 50th percentile for his weight and about 90 for his height! We will see how long that keeps up! With such short parents, I suspect he will grow out of it, but we will see! His head is about 14.5inches, which is also right around the 50th percentile compared to other babies his age. Over all, he is a happy and healthy little boy!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Two Weeks!
Wow, I can't believe it's already been two weeks since Isaac was born! Here are a few pictures. He is doing well. We've pretty much figured each other out as far as breastfeeding goes, and he sleeps great-but sometimes he does it in the middle of the day and not at night! So we are working on that. He has a two week appointment on Monday, so I'll update again with his current weight, etc next week!
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Isaac Is Here!
Isaac getting ready to be weighed by the midwife.
New baby Issac!
Hello! I know I haven't posted much lately, and I'm sorry this has taken me a few days to announce! We had our baby! He was a couple weeks early, which is the reverse of what I'm used to! He was born at home Saturday night. Here's his birth story. It's somewhat detailed, but I wanted to share the whole story, so hopefully that doesn't bother anyone too much!
Isaac's Story
Saturday morning I woke up feeling pretty normal-huge and pregnant! Around 10:30am, I was started noticing some contractions that were harder and lasting longer than most of the braxton hicks I'd been having. I didn't want to get too anxious about it, so I counted them, but didn't really time them. They were really inconsistant. One hour I had 4, the next couple hours I had 2, then between 3:30 and 4:30, I didn't have any at all. I fell asleep and was woke up by a good strong contraction at about 4:30. From then on, they didn't stop. They still weren't really regular, but were getting stronger, and I was really feeling it in my lower back which made me wonder if he was turned wrong. Around 5:00pm I called my midwife. I was finally feeling like this could be it! She wasn't at home and it took me a while to get a hold of her. I finally talked to her at about 5:30. I was still able to talk through the contractions, so I didn't think it could be that close, but at the same time, I was definitly feeling things happening with most of them. She said to call back in half an hour. I went on with what I had been doing-cleaning the kitchen counters! Ha, ha! But pretty soon couldn't handle being on my feet anymore, so I laid down in bed. In the meantime, I was trying to get my mom to understand the urgency of the situation. She was supposed to be picking up the kids, but hadn't left her house which is a 20 minute drive. I talked to my midwife around 6 and she said she'd get ready and head on over. Aaron was scrambling to get the kids ready to go and Leonora was kind of freaking out. She wanted mommy to help her, but I was not moving! Around the time my mom arrived, Leonora had climbed up in bed and snuggled up next to me. Thankfully, she loves going to Grandma's so once we had our little snuggle, she was willing to go. The kids left with Grandma around 6:15 and I immediately told Aaron to go fill the tub. Because of the back pain, I was really struggling to relax through the contractions, and knew the water would help with that. As soon as the tub was filled I got in and we waited for my midwife. By this time, the contractions were coming a lot faster. We'd kind of stopped timing them when Aaron was getting the kids ready, so I'm not sure how close, but I'd guess at least every 5 minutes. Just before 7:00, I started feeling like I needed to push, so I told Aaron to call the midwife. Thankfully, she was in the parking lot when we called, and came right in. She checked me and said that I was nearly dialated. There was just one side of the cervix still there. She also said that the membranes were bulging, but the baby's head was still not engaged. She also gave me permission to push, and said that once my water broke, he would come down. I stayed in the tub a little longer, but I had no concept of how long at that point. I started feeling like I needed to change possitions to help things along. I was really getting anxious for my water to break so that we could get on with things! I slowly got out of the tub and then started asking my midwife about breaking my water. I told her that if it was safe, I wanted it done. I was feeling really ready. She said it would be safe, so I headed to the bed to have my water broken. I was having contractions about every third step, so it was slow going, but we made it to the bed. I had a couple more contractions while they were getting things ready, then as my midwife was about to do it, I felt like a water balloon had exploded down there! I think I said something about how I'd never had it happen quite like that before! So, I was glad to have that part done and was getting down to the business of getting the baby out! I turned to my side and had Aaron hold my upper leg so that I didn't have to. I still had a lip of cervix on one side, so my midwife manually took care of that and then it seemed like almost immediately she told me I could reach down and feel his head. I was in for a surprise when I felt nearly half his head already out! We had to kind of slow things down for a minute. He was sunny-side up, which I had assumed because of the back pain, and he also had one hand next to his face and the cord wrapped loosely around his neck. My midwife made sure his hand and cord were taken care of, and told me when to push. After that, I really didn't have to push much though. I felt like everything was kind of happening on its own! I'm not sure how many pushes, but from the time my water broke, until he was born was less than 5 minutes! That was a record for me! When they handed him up to me, I was just so overwhelmed, I was just sobbing! I was just so happy to have him in my arms! He cried right away, but didn't have very good color at first, so his 1 minute apgars were a little low, but he scored 9 on the 5 minute. He has some nice dark hair and dark eyes and the world's cutest dimple in his left cheek! Since then, he has been getting really good at all those things that babies do, eating, sleeping, and pooping! Monday he had a visit with the doctor. He's slightly jaundice, so they did a blood draw to check on that and re-checked it yesterday. His levels went up so he's being checked again today. I'm hoping that things will be better. If not, he may need to spend some time under lights in the hospital. I'm feeling really good for the most part. I had no tearing or swelling so things are healing very quickly! Other than the back pain, this was basically a dream labor! It went so quickly and smoothly, I really couldn't have asked for better!
Isaac Nathan Born 8:49pm on Saturday, January 3rd. 8lbs 7oz, 19.25 inches long.
Monday, December 01, 2008
Visit to the midwife
Hi Everyone! We're went somewhere very important today! Mom took along the camera to document our experience. Here we are all ready to go to Mom's midwife appointment!
We love going to the midwife! She's so nice! Here's her house. We'll have one more appointment here in two weeks and then she'll start coming to our house!
We like her house because she has toys! The coloring books are a big hit with us! We colored while Mom did some other stuff. We don't really know what that's all about, but it gives us some time to have fun before we get down to business!
After Mom talks to the midwife for a few minutes, it's our turns to help! There's this great little squeazy thing that checked Mom's blood pressure. It was 110/70. I guess that's good.
Next came the measuring. Mom's belly sure has gotten big lately! We think our brother must be anxious to see us because he sure has been growing a lot! The midwife says he's about 2 weeks ahead!
Next we listened to his heartbeat. Leonora is our professional button pusher, so that's her job. This machine makes the coolest noises ever!
Next we listened to his heartbeat. Leonora is our professional button pusher, so that's her job. This machine makes the coolest noises ever!
After that's all over, Mom talks some more to the midwife. They talk a lot, but we get to play some more, so it's okay with us. Then it's time to clean up!
And one final peice of business: trying on the Spiderman mask! Yep, it fits!
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