*This is the first chance I've had to blog this. I wrote it on the morning of his second surgery, before we knew he would be having surgery that night.
My children are all miracles.
William was born with stubborn clubbed feet (feet that are bent inward) and a stubborn introverted personality to match it. In spite of-or perhaps because of this personality and physical limitation that he was born with, he walks, runs, plays and fights like every normal 7 year old. What he lacks in physical ability, he more than makes up for in mental ability. he has always been a very bright boy who excells in math and science and has a thirst for knowledge in all areas. His miracle is his lack of disabilities.
Leonora was born perfect. She was like a beautiful porcelin doll. I cannot even begin to count the numorous peoplew who would pause in grocery stores and other public places to tell me how beautiful my baby was and how doll-like she was. Once, an older lady in Walmart nearly ran me over with one of those electric riding carts. She thought that Leonora was a doll in a carseat until she saw Leonora move. She was so shocked, she swerved and nearly collided with my cart! Shortly before her 2nd birthday, Leonora got pneumonia. Our whole family had had the flu, but as the rest of us got better, Leonora continued to worsen. She was admitted to the local hospital and then lifeflighted to Primary Children's Hospital. Her combined hospital stays were a full two weeks. We were so worried for her during that time, but she fought through it and was blessed to avoid more serious srgery to remove a part of her lung. Today she has an incredible amount of energy. Sometimes it drives us all a little crazy, but she is also full of love. Her healing from the pneumonia, her high energy, and her boundless love for all those she meets (and often those she hasn't) are Leonora's miracle.
When we found out that we were expecting another child just after Leonora's 1st birthday, we were exited and happy. I felt this baby's movements earlier and stronger than with either of my previous pregnancies. At about 20 weeks gestation, Aaron and I went to the hospital for the standard, mid-pregnancy ultrasound. This is when most people find out the gender of their baby. It's something moms anticipate and look forward to. For us, it was the first chance to see our baby. Because of our issues with William's feet, clubbed feet was at the top of my list of concerns. Our baby showed no signs of this deformity, but something more serious. She had a cyst at the back of her head, and her body was retaining fluids. Her kidneys had already ceased to function. At or first look at our baby, her time on this Earth was coming to a close. Her heart continued to beat for about 2 1/2 weeks before her sweet spirit returned to Heavenly Father. At about 23 weeks gestation, the doctor induced labor, and out sweet angel was born. Her birth should have been a great time of joy. Instead, it was our greatest loss. It is impossible to explain the sorrow of loosing a child to anyone who hasn't experienced it. I feel it is the greatest blow a parent can experience. Despite this heartache that consumed my life for many months, I feel that our angel, Renee, is a great miracle in my life. Having greater understanding of this sorrow has given me greater empathy when those I know have lost children. It has proven that I can get trhough more than I thought I ever could. It eventually gave me strength. Renee means "reborn." I believe that not only will she be reborn into a new and perfect body fit for such a strong spirit, but her presance in our family has been a sort of familial rebirth. She changed how we function as a family-for the better. I believe she was given that body because she was one of the few spirits who could suport it for that long. Her condition is a common cause for early miscarraiges, so reaching the point of having a fully formed body is unusual. She was a miracle.
About 6 months after we lost Renee, we found that we were expecting again. There were a lot of mixed emotions about that news, but in general, I was happy about it. We had extra tests that we hadn't had before just to give us reassurance that everything was okay. A few months after the 1st anneversary of Renee's birth and death, Isaac was born. He had perfect timing! He was born early (unlike my other children), and easily. I was overcome with joy and relief the first time I held him in my arms. I sobbed and cried and held him close. I didn't want to miss anything about him-the way he looked, sounded, smelled, and the weight of him in my arms. We picked the name Isaac because it means "laughter," and his middle name Nathan (after his two uncles) means "gift." He was our gift of laughter, sunshine, joy, and hope. He continued to live up to his name. I often say he was born smiling. i think I recorded is first responsive smile (one that was made in reaction to my own smile) at about 3 weeks old. As he grew, he developed normally. There was nothing exceptional about when he first walked or said his first word, yet his pleasant deminor, quick smile, beautiful eyes, and adorable dimples, made him exceptional in every way. As soon as he could walk, he became my biggest helper. He always wanted to sweep and vacuum with me and help me with dishes and laundry. With Isaac, house work could even be fun! He has been my biggest miracle. He gave me everything and more than I had lost when Renee's heart stopped beating. My other children have always brought me joy, but giving happiness seemed to be Isaac's life mission.
Today is Monday, March 7th, 2011. We have been in a hospital since I took Isaac to the ER on Friday night. He had lost movement in his right arm and leg. He had been getting over a cold, so it was originally thought that he may have pneumonia, menengitis, or both. When he was getting worse, the doctor decided he needed to be life flighted to Primary Children's Hospital. By the time we arrived at Children's, Isaac had not been moving much at all for sometime. His movement and responsiveness continued to decrease. It was decided that this was a nuerological issue and to find out for sure what was going on, he needed an MRI. They told me it would be about 2 hours for the MRI. About 3 1/2 hours later, he finally returned and I was given bad news. He had an AVM burst (a malformation of blood vessels that causes them to be weak). His AVM was located on his upper spinal cord which is why it caused his immobility. Emergency surgery was done to relieve swelling of his spinal cord. I was told that there was a significant possibility that he could bleed during surgery and that if there were bleeding, there may not be any way to stop it. As a mother who has lost one child, I understood too well what they were telling me. We were told he'd made it through with only minor complications when his heart rate and breathing slowed to extremely low levels. When we recieved the news that he made it through, there was a huge sigh of relief from me and my friends and family present in the room. I felt we had recieved another miracle. Now he lays in bed. He occasionally opens his eyes, turns his head and has had some small movements in his arms. These too are small miracles; however, there is no gaurentee that he will be able to do basic things on his own ever again. Even breathing on his own may never be a possibility. The good news is, he has no brain damage. It is only in his upper spine, which affects all the nerves that control his motor function.
Right now, we are praying for a bigger miracle than we have yet recieved. I deparately want my little boy to be whole again. I know that through God all things are possible if it is in accordance to his plan. I can only hope and pray that is plan and my desires match up. I also know that miracles take faith it takes. Please join your faith and prayers with ours for the recovery of Isaac. Pray for us and his doctors to know how to help him. Pray for us all to have the strength to get trhough this and to accept the outcome-whatever it is. Pray for us to see and accept God's plan for our family. Every prayer and good thought sent our way helps. We are so appreciative of all the love, support, and prayers we have received. They keep us going. Please keep sending them. Thank you so much.
*Since I wrote this, there has been one more surgery to remove the AVM. We have been very blessed to have amazing doctors, nurses, and others to take care of Isaac. He has been more alert. Some days are better than others, but he has smiled and moved his arms more. Today he will have a Tracheotomy to help him breath. He has been on a ventilator with a tube in his mouth, and we are anxious and excited to have this procedure done. hopefully he will be able to start intensive rehabilitation in a few days.
